Good afternoonish Thursday. I'm still hanging out in LA and looking forward to coming back to New York tomorrow. Funny thing happened last night that showed me the harsh reality of why, though I do dig it here loads, I could never live here. A few of us were outside the studio on the sidewalk, chatting about this and that after a long day, and an older couple came off of the beach (we are steps from the ocean) and as they walked past us, the woman said, very very sweetly, "you're taking up the whole sidewalk you know" and continued to smile and sail past us, on her way to a dinner most likely composed of sunshine, quinoa, and passive agressiveness. I mean...if you want me to move, just say move. In New York, if this situation were to happen, the following are possiblities of what would occur:
1. An exasperated "uchh" or hiss would be uttered as said person scurried past
2. That same person might say "nice to take up the whole sidewalk, ass munch" or some such profane statement.
3. The phrase "annoying" (in quiet hushed yet maniacal sing song) would be uttered, accompanied by an eye roll.
What's my point here? People in Los Angeles, going under the guise of perpetual sunshine, fresh avocados, and a love of composting think they are doing the Earth a very big favor by just gracing us with their presence. So saying something shitty in a nice way is an excuse to be a brat- when in reality, I'd rather you just be a brat. Don't sugar coat something shitty. That's my take and I'm sticking with it- the frosty PC thing just doesn't have clout with me.
Anyhoo, onward. I turned yet another year older, ate some great meals here, stared at the ocean, read books over breakfast, and felt unphased by the fact that my John Hughes references are lost on a generation who did not grow up with "The Breakfast Club". PS- I know people who have never seen "Fast Times"- there's just no excuse for that. But birthdays aside, Fridays are all for fivin' out- so here is a list of 5 things about getting older that I have noticed- and there's really no avoiding getting older...believe me, I've tried. Have at it:
Your body changes. Don't let anybody tell you you can have the same body you had when you were 25, because unless you are Nordic, Brazilian, or some sort of anomaly, it's going to happen. Yea, you can fight it tooth and nail and eat frosted air and ice chips and kale and work out at bootcamps named after Barry, but just accept that you are not supposed to look 25 when you are in your 40s. You can try your best, but if you somehow feel it's appropriate to rock a too tight bandage dress into your middle years, G-d bless you but I don't. Nobody wants to see that, so accept that. And work out, eat well, and be cool with the fact that you are not perfect. It's totally cool.
You become grateful. OK, maybe not you, but I do. I spent many years being pissed off at authority or anyone who I perceived as getting in my way. I incessantly complained about work, about life, about why I was not where I wanted to be. But as you get older and are so much more in tune with people that are truly suffering and enduring real heartbreak, you become grateful for what you do have and stop playing the victim- and I feel like I have a lot. Of course the Jewish side of me thinks I'm dying tomorrow of flesh eating bacteria as a result, but that's another story. I'm truly grateful for everything I have, and though the years are passing and my trips to get my hair dyed are more frequent, I care not. I'm a lucky lady for more reasons than I count.
You love yourself but hate everybody else. Oof, this one. As a side effect of being a real grown up woman, you become confident in your voice, your attitude, and have no problem speaking up when people say stupid things in a meeting. Unfortunately, all of this lovey dovey self stuff comes with a price- you start to realize how incredibly dumb, selfish, and ill bred most people are, and it makes you crazy. For instance, maybe you used to have a boss that terrified you, or when the head of the company came in and made you feel small, you had to go get drunk to get over feeling insecure. Nowadays? I have no fear of anybody, because there's nobody who can make me feel small, and if they try, I don't surround myself with them another second. That's a fact. Fuck those people. Sure this is very "nobody puts baby in a corner" but whatevs. Most people are kind of sucky- it's you and only you you really have to deal with, and if you're lucky enough to have a partner who you find cool as well, bonus points. Just stay away from those that prey on your fears- it's not cool. The preying or the fearing. Both are terrible and melt away as you get older. Or at least you stop letting them get to you.
You are your own best stylist. I have always been a girl who loves clothes (duh) but at this point in my life I have a very studied and careful approach to dressing- sure I wear tee shirts and jeans and youthful things, but boy do I know what works on me and what doesn't. Many have accused me of being a witch (or depressed) for wearing so much black, but I'm just not a girl who wears a lot of color, and though I like it and think it's beautiful, it's just not really for me, at least not on a day to day basis. As you get older and wiser, dressing well becomes effortless, because you don't buy things that look bad on you. Full stop. And if you do, you plead "hormones" and take that offensive frock right back to the store. The bad news? Skincare becomes more spendy as you age- you really do need the good stuff and that's the truth, unless of course, you are the previously mentioned Viking, Brazilian, or alien. Us normal women of a certain age know what looks good on us, and we also know the value of a good eye cream. Oh and one of my rules? If you were around the first time for a trend, chances are you should not go there again. Thus anything overly 80s feels way wrong for me- though I admit I take elements from the grungy 90s and incorporate them with caution, because I'm going through a bit of a scruffy thing lately.
You look at Eileen Fisher, then get scared, then buy nothing.I had to add this because it just happened to me. Two nights ago in Bloomingdales in Santa Monica. As I waited for a friend to go eat dinner, I was browsing the racks of Bloomie's (very civilized ps in Santa Monica and not at all the mess it is in New York) and happened to see a cute striped dress of a nice shape I thought would look good on me. But then I saw it was Eileen Fisher and got very freaked out. I'm just not quite ready for Eileen Fisher, but perhaps next year will be a different story. To me, buying a piece of Eileen Fisher( for those of you who don't know this brand, think upscale art teacher and loose, more mature silhouettes) is indicative of a huge identity crisis on my part, I'm just not ready. I will own the fact that being comfortable is more important than almost anything to me when it comes to clothes- if I am in shoes that hurt, skirts that are too tight, or tops I can't breathe in, it's best not to come near me. I simply can't function that way, and the ease with which I approach living these days is reflected in my wardrobe- none of which is constricting, overly structured, or breath holding. I'll leave that to Daphne Guiness, who is fabulous ps and coincidentally, would rather insert a sword into her (tiny little) stomach than wear Eileen Fisher. This is not a personal attack on EF- it's just a a way of saying that although I may not do much short and tight anymore, I'm not ready to teach a ceramics class.
PS there's a million other things that happen too- you need different pairs of glasses for reading and driving, you want nicer furniture, and have a way lower tolerance for partying (waking up is good enough, waking up with a hangover is simply no good). One that should have made the above list is it's pretty humbling (and weird) how many people ask you for advice and your opinion on everything from men to career paths to where to live. I'm amazed I have become that girl- at 25 I can't imagine anybody would want my take on life, because the way I was living it was frenzied and chaotic and not at all together. I love that people (particularly women) respect me enough to ask my take- and one of my passions in life is to help others get through it all- because believe me, I was there, and although my skinny jeans were a lot skinnier, I was a wreck- so trust in knowing that will take care of itself. Or better yet, you may learn to love the messy bits about yourself, and hopefully somebody else will too. As this birthday week draws to a close and the sun shines brightly in LA, I am so honored and thrilled to be back home in New York, with a wonderful and brilliant man and a dog who has stolen my heart and made me appreciate life and the joy that animals bring to said life. And sure I'm older but I am still such a kid at heart, and suspect I always will be. I'm looking forward to another year on Earth, back home, and fully at ease. Because no matter how old you are, there's nothing better than feeling strong, wise, and fine the way you are. That just takes some time...you'll get there too- and if you need some help along the way, give me a call and I'll do what I can to help the process. It's been a lovely week and can't wait to go home and get back to it. Cause that's what's up this I'm gonna make it after all kind of Thursday in La La Land...all the love and XO.
PSS- don't you just LOVE the above visual? A friend of mine posted it on Facebook- it's Mary Tyler Moore, one of the coolest chicks to ever be portrayed on TV- adorable, stylish, succesful, and independent at a time when there were very few women being shown in such a light. Oh, and I'm cool if you don't know who that is, you youngy youngs, I'm gettin' used to that...
