Good afternoon/evening, world. I'm shooting some foodish things steps from the beach in sunny Venice, CA- and yes, it's my birthday. As we all know, getting older has its ups and downs, and reflects in the way one wants to celebrate their birthday. I for one have never been the one shouting from the rooftops on July 17th- even when I was but a young thing running around Manhattan. All I can say about this year is I have immense gratitude to the universe for allowing me to live in my most favorite place, and have enough work to go around right now to keep me there. I get to work with people I adore on fun projects, and I think a good deal of why I am enjoying this good fortune is because I've been hustling and doing this for a long time- something I would not trade for all the wrinkle free flat stomached adorable naivete that comes with youth. I'm happy and that's that.
And as I sit here in this lovely studio about to break open the cupcakes that my dear husband sent over for all of us to enjoy, I'm reading with intrigue about Marissa Mayer's new gig as CEO of Yahoo. I've been following this sassy lady for eons now- mostly I know her as the mastermind behind those cute Google graphics we're often treated with on the home page, and as a fashion forward power chick that is destined for even more success in her new role.
But I'm vexed by all the tweeting about how hot she is, on how she plans to only take two weeks maternity leave, and how she's bringing high fashion to Silicon Valley with her expensive haircut and highlights and a flair for feminine dressing. There's been much talk about whether or not women can have it all (that Atlantic piece really hit home for many), but I'm more concerned with this constant search for the new female role model. One person posted on Facebook that maybe now women could look up to a real success story and forget all about Carrie Bradshaw. But I ask you- do we really want to? Why must we be cry "weak" of women that don't fit the power mold, that have no interest in occupying the C Suite, and are powerful enough as they are without a million frequent flyer miles and a full staff?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I wish we could stop the noise about how women are taking over at work, because unless I'm mistaken- haven't we already arrived? Now it's time to stop talking about how hot the latest executive du jour is, or how important it is as a woman to go full tilt into hyper career land in order to be a personal success. What's wonderful about the times we live in is that we have the choice- and that's empowering enough. I for one could never picture sitting in endless board meetings, dressed in tight skirts or power pants, acutely aware of all eyes on me and whether or not I'm being a good leader, a game changer, or retaining water. Give me Carrie Bradshaw any day- I'm not ashamed to admit that I'd rather have a closet full of downtown frocks and a column in a Manhattan newspaper than a power mama. But that's just me- because to me, as a woman being heard is power in itself, and I don't need to have a corner office to have my own little corner of success. I just don't do corporate. Full stop.
The other trouble spot for me is the announcement of Ms. Mayer's pride in only taking two weeks of maternity leave when she gives birth to the next generation of CEO in two months. Is this a good message to send to women who are indeed looking to be both mothers and career dynamos? I know she is starting a new huge gig but isn't that short changing things a bit? How can she know that she will want to take so little time once here life changes forever by having a baby? I myself have no children but I am pretty sure that if I did, I would want some time with them, regardless of whether I had the job of my dreams or not. And lucky for her, Ms. Mayer is fortunate enough to make enough money to have round the clock help- what about the rest of the world who knows not such luxury and feels guilty every time they walk out the door and kiss their newborn goodbye?
As I sit here getting comfy in my 40s (not that comfy yet mind you, still a bit itchy actually), I am very happy that I have my career, but I also value that for the first time in my whole working life, I am realizing that all work is not the answer, and that there's great joy in stuff you do just for the sheer pleasure of it- like this blog for instance. Yes, it has gotten me writing assignments, and sure I want to focus on doing a lot more in the writing department, but the work that I do as a producer allows me to explore these things, and it's not my only focus anymore, rather a means to an end that is of course fulfilling and enjoyable but not EVERYTHING (or at least not for me).
It's sad to me that there's so much focus on this notion of power when it comes to women- to me being a mother or a wife or someone who throws their own pottery is the most potent thing of all. I am not at all begrudging her brilliance or wherewithal in an admittedly male dominated world (particulary in tech), but can we just say that the best man or woman won and leave it at that? I'm so tired of the labels and litanies on the matter of women and their careers and what it means to be a success. I'm never going to be dismissive of women no matter what they want to do- boardroom babe, hot mama of three, or tutu wearing columnist with way too many pairs of shoes. As I approach this next year and reflect on my birthday, my success comes in being cool with who I am, and not heaping a ton of expectations on who I'm supposed to be. So I urge all of you women folk out there, young, old, or in between, to not look at any one prototype to assess how great you are. In terms of breaking the mold, we've already done that, so let's push the broken bits aside and move on and just be who we want to be. It matters not if you quit your creative director job and start an alpaca farm or decide that you want three smart phones tweaking out all at once 24/7/365. Just be who you are, and by doing so, maybe we can stop talking about ourselves in the context of work or wifehood or parenting and simply do our thing. Oh and ps- this super skinny shit we've all become slaves to? Just stop it already. For real. If you are successful because of the way you look in J Brand jeans that's a bigger issue- so be mindful of the fact you can still be awesom even if are not a lollipop head.
So as the lovely cool breeze comes into the studio (I swear 3 pmish on the westside in LA is really magic), I'm going to be who I am and revel in doing it my way- that's the greatest thing we can ask for as women, as people, and as a society- the ability to be individuals and not conform to any rules or stereotypes. And that's all I've got this damn pretty Tuesday, live from Los Angeles. Happy birthday to me- I feel lucky to be very present in this moment and have as much respect for hardcore career types as stay at home moms- as long as you live in your truth, you need not worry about anything else- we can all be every woman- and that's more valuable than any paycheck I can think of. You're probably more a wonder woman than you think you are, so don't cave to societal pressure and let's just carry on, cool? I'm gonna go eat a cupcake and sit on the beach. XO