Why Sandra Bernhard matters

Good morning, Monday.  In the pantheon of winter breaks, this has been a huge winner. We've had so much time to spend together- David and I had some lovely days and then his family came to town and we're having a very lovely time. Mine came the other day as well and looking forward to New Year's in Philadelphia- low key style, with perhaps a Mummer or two on New Year's Day. I can't help it. I love 'em. But I came to talk about something else.   Sandra Bernhard is cooler than you.  And if you didn't know, you better recognize. 

I just saw Ms. Sandra perform at Joe's Pub in what has now become an annual holiday event for me. I've been going to see her perform for years and she only gets better, funnier, sexier. She came out, all loopy mouthed and tuxedo shirted and leather panted and man- she brought it hard. She talked about so many things that you can relate to as a person who observes culture- from voting liberal for mayor and then freaking out about raised taxes and less police presence to her hatred of Prague or wondering wtf is up with those "who wore it better" columns in all the magazines. In between all of that, she sings, and for the grand finale, the original Ms. B. took  her encore in a ribbed tank and boxer briefs and hammered the shit out of Miley's "Wrecking Ball" mashed up with Journey's "Don't Stop Believin", and looked damn hot doing it. Oh by the way, Sandra is almost 60. Yes, yes she is.

So as I sat there and watched this rather outsized personality of a woman with less than traditional good looks (though I find her pretty gorgeous), I thought about how, as a woman, you fare much better over the years being a character, a big spirit, a bit of a left of center who doesn't give a crap about pissing people off or not appealing to the masses and is just straight up raw. Sure, she's gotten some botox (and happily admits it), but she's not trying to look like a Kardashian or some other ridiculous person because she never could. And she doesn't have to- she's better than that. A tuxedo shirt and leather pants looks hot on 20 year olds, and it looks hot on 50 something year olds too. And coming out in mens underwear under hot lights and a New York audience is just plain brave. And that's the sexiest thing a  woman can be, if you ask me. 

I'm just saying as I've been trying to get myself in shape since some tough breaks at work this past year, I'm realizing the lunacy of trying to be something you're not. Yes, I believe in personal best but as I shimmy up to the barre and pretend that putting my legs straight overhead while clutching a ballet barre  is never going to be easy for me- as if shaking should really be considered a good thing (you barre class types know what that means). Yea, I know it shouldn't be easy but as I watch these ladies in class in their matching LuLu outfits, with the butts of 23 year olds but more pushing 50, I couldn't help but wonder why must we, as women, try so hard to be the things we just can't be?  I will never be a ballerina. I was terrible at ballet as a child, and I'm of the type of Eastern European stock where ballerinas are not made. So how at my age now could I possibly believe that somehow, by doing these wicked exercises, I'd become long and sinewy, flat chested, and ready to dance en pointe? Don't worry, I don't believe that, and I'm going to keep doing it because I'm an idiot and like to complain, but that's besides the point.

My point is that when a woman is bright and brave and rebellious, the whole notion of age sort of slips off of her back. If you can own those parts of yourself and worry less about fitting into the same clothes you wore in high school, you're going to be happier as a human being, and more importantly, as a woman. I'm not saying don't try to look your best, but shift the focus to how far you've come, how much you know, and how insanely talented you are. Not all of us can get on a stage and dissect culture and sing with a band, but I'd rather channel that any day than try to be a a late in life ballerina. Know what I mean, jellybeans? Why would you try so hard to look the way you did when you were 23, when we all know at 23 most of us were not even close to "there"? It's sad to me how many women expect to look the way they did back then- the big question is, would you ever want to act the way you did back then? Yeesh, not me. I was a hateful little bastard.

That's why Sandra's cooler than you, and me, of course. Because as a woman who has always owned her look and her schtick since forever, she always keeps them coming back for more- she had wild younger days and now talks about being a mom and a partner with the same ribald awesomeness she did when talking about hanging out with Madonna.  She understands the lunacy of our society and has found her very own forum within it. She is her own unique entity and nobody could replace her- I'd rather be known for being sexy and smart and urbane any day- the whole chasing the youth dragon thing is not my cup of tea- I believe in the fountain of truth- if you own who you are and be passionate about it, you're going to fare way better later, botox or no botox. Just be who you are, and l guarantee you there will be worshipping at your altar for many years to come. Cause that's what's up this Sandy rules kind of Monday in the 212.  I'm writing a New Year's post tomorrow so look out for it. Yours, in staying true, to you. And thank you Ms. Sandra, for bringing it so hard, year after year. I'll always be there to adore you, as long as you keep showing up.  You matter more than you know- oh, and all of you do too, so stop trying to be anything other than what or who you are. XO