Good morning, Friday (It is Friday, right?)
I woke up with cramp in my right arm that won't seem to go away. I once heard a comedian say you know you're getting old when you hurt yourself in your sleep. Noted.
I know this cramp is not caused by exercise, because I have not exercised all week, a real bummer. I'm working on a project right now that is massively intense, the kind that has an email thread with comments in red, yellow, blue, green, and every other color because everybody has to weigh in. And there's lists about lists. And meetings about meetings.
I have literally been waking up in the morning, deciding if makeup is a good idea (nah), jumping into the city, realizing pretzels are a terrible breakfast (but delicious), and getting right the heck on it. Also I realize the only people who get to work before 9 am in the city live in Connecticut. Or me. There's me. Because I'm trying to beat the barrage of emails and catch my breath for a few precious moments in time. In stressful times, it's helpful for me to sometimes focus on a word or visual that brings me solace- lately the word that keeps appearing as I shut my eyes and focus is "peace". I gotta get me some of that.
So last night as I slept with my laptop, I wondered just how I became so pigeonholed and when, if ever, I could go to sleep with a clear mind. I am a woman without children, and apparently I have a career of sorts. it came to me as I lay in bed doze laughing at Hashtag the Panda (really gets me every time) on Fallon that there's not a whole lot of in between when it comes to our apparent life choices. As a woman (really a person but let's just say woman cause that's what I am), we are programmed to either have children and become mothers, become power babes and endlessly debate on having it all, or really do both and do them both exceedingly well, or applaud for the women who admit they can't do both well. But for me, I'm just wondering if there's a "none of the above" option. If I wanted to just do nothing for a while would that be so terrible? I think I've got enough black tee shirts for a while to float me. Is there a category called "aesthete" or "lazy sod" or "just chillin' for now, thanks"? Maybe I just want to eat ice cream in mouse ears like in the photo above. UNCLE.
Maybe it's because I'm exhausted and delirious, but really, is there anything "else" out there or are having a job and a family the only ways to go? I'm bored with checking these boxes. I'm also bored with being perpetually stressed. What else do you have for me? I don't want to go down like that, where the "that" is a bit too tight on me, I'd like to size up and have some room to move.There's got to be a better way- and maybe it's less about more options and more about less extreme situations into something slightly less defined. I can't help but think- this type of modern life, is it for me?
Cause that's what's up this thinking outside the old box kind of Friday in the 212. Yours, in exploring the possibilities and hoping this cramp goes away. XO