Hiya, Wednesday. Since it's Valentine's Day next week (insert collective groan here), I thought I would talk about a Huff Post piece I was perusing this morning, en route to a very early class at the gym. I'll post the link below, but the general gist is all about what makes a man attractive to women? Since some of you ladies out there are looking for Mr. Right and some of you dudes are looking for Mrs. Fantastic, I thought this to be such a captivating subject, as I've been doing a lot of writing lately about gender and the changing face of women (the new men?) and the sort of purgatory men find themselves in as they seek to redefine their roles in an age of single parenthood and workforce women rising. (Not all of you, I know. Some of you are just delicious as you are).
So I'm reading this article, by this PHD chick, and thinking of just how difficult a question this male attractiveness thing is. I've been "blessed" to sit in a room full of men the past couple of weeks, all day, and have a fairly good idea about what they want out of women, or at least what they pretend to want when they are in each other's company. But women are super complex when it comes to what they want, and it varies from woman to woman, to say the very least.
For instance, "hot" can mean many different things- I know I've mentioned that there is nothing sexier than a man with a stiletto sharp wit, and the ability to make me laugh. I can forgive a lot of things if a man is funny. And I need a man who has good taste in music- that is non-negotiable (ask the boys in my office how I feel about Billy Joel). Fortunately for me, I have a husband who is not only insanely funny, but also loves the same kind of music I do, for the most part. I've forgiven him for the Beatles over Stones thing. It's all about compromise...(though hats off to my husband, it's not many people on this here Earth that love the movie "Cabin Boy" as much as I do, a true selling point when we were early on in our dating life).
Some chicks care nothing about the above. Some just want a guy who will make them feel small, while some want one that will be a financial wizard. I can't pretend to know what all women want, nor can I tell you what we all like. I think as a whole we are more forgiving of men when it comes to dating them. I do know we can be picky as hell- I for one made a pact (avec moi), to never, ever go out on more than one date with a guy who says "and what not" too frequently. I hate that expression. I know it's crazy, but we are particular, though I think in different ways than men, and the things that make us hot are not as simple as digging a guy who has a six pack stomach or drives a Bentley, as much of the media would have us believe. For instance, take my favorite comment from the Huff Po piece, pasted in below by one chick, looking ironic in her profile pic, with glasses and a smirk, called "Pragmaticus":
"Hmm, don't normally respond to these but here goes ...
THE ESSENTIALS :
Someone who can tell that when I'm teasing him I'm really flirting with him and teases back.
A guy who in conversation can convince me to see the topic in a way I never have before. Who never goes along with what I said just because I said it.
Smart but playful about it. Insightful ... not necessarily highly educated.
Open minded.
Decisive.
Knows me well enough to see when I'm bluffing emotionally.
NOT CLINGY, aka not threatened by by me being independent.
The ability to create - seriously, guys who can make things are sexy beasts. Especially when they are generous with these talents.
NON-ESSENTIAL:
not overly muscly, big hands, non-blue eyes that crinkle with a smile frequently but flash on occasion, usually dark hair, oh and facial hair, love me some facial hair..."\
I like her comments because I agree with almost all of them. And look how specific she is- she knows herself enough to know what she likes- she even digs guys that call her on her shit. As women feel more empowered by what's happening on the gender front, I think it's truly stellar that we're no longer looking for men to take care of us, protect us, or provide for our shoe habits. So basically, what I'm saying is this- guys- the pressure is off- now you are free to be your wonderful sexy selves- because we want something else from you- we want a partner, but with a seismic shift in what that means, way different than the way our parents defined partnership anyway. As for what men want, that's for another time. I know I am super lucky to have met my perfect match, and I can only hope, Hallmark holiday or not, that all of you out there will do the same. Regardless of what's happening to men and women, the most primitive of rules still applies- attraction is a tricky thing, and is very often unpredictable and not what you'd expect. So I guess I'm asking all of you singletons out there to expand your check lists this year- the results may surprise you. Just make sure you find someone who appreciates you, just the way you are, you sexy thing. That much is gender neutral.
And that's what's up this attractive Wednesday in the MIA. XOHere is a link to the Huff Po piece, in case you're interested:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vivian-diller-phd/male-attractiveness_b_809643.html