Good afternoon, Tuesday. Gloom and doomsville in NYC today- crappy weather and hair and general malaise.
But with all of these showers will come the inevitable flowers, and another favorite rite of Spring time- weddings. Ah, love. And brides. Lots of pretty brides, flowers, sunshine, happiness, glee, whimsy. But maybe you're not that kind of bride, and if planning a wedding, buying a dress, and spending eternity with your partner has got you down, I've just the thing.
Vera Wang has just released a video of her latest bridal collection for Spring 2015, and it's anything but chirpy. Remember when every girl you know got married in a strapless Vera Wang? Yea, me too. But times have changed and I guess Vera has decided that love kind of sucks, and most definitely is not an occasion to self tan.
Glum bride after pale, glum bride stares with saucer eyes at the camera, looking very much like sleep and food deprived bridezillas desperately in need of not only sandwiches, but Prozac. I'm not sure if it's the weight of the dresses on their fragile frames, or the impending sense of doom that comes with meeting and spending your life with a soul mate, but really- LIGHTEN UP, VERA WANG. You're kind of bumming me out. Perhaps you've been watching a bit too much "Walking Dead". Or maybe too much "Game of Thrones" (we all know what happens at those weddings...).
I'm not sure what happens when fashion people make a video that it all goes so terribly wrong- the dresses look perfect in print but once these sedated and underfed brides start to move, it all goes to a place more suitable for a parody on SNL than the perfect dress for that special day. Yea, I get not every woman wants to be a pretty, pretty princess- but your wedding day is supposed to be happy- regardless of if you're wearing a traditional dress or a college mascot costume. And the white eyelashes? I'm not sure those are going to work for the pictures.
According to this video, being a bride is about being a zombie nymph, eating rotten rose petals, and suffering from anemia. Allow me to take your hand, oh pallid betrothed, and let us dance around in circles in winter time. I particularly like when they all tap on each other at the end, just to make sure they have not all collapsed into dust. I love you, I hate you, I love you. I'm hungry. Please feed me. But first let me stroke your lightly tousled, chicly stringy hair while black rose petals engulf our waif like, wasted countenance. I'll be your junkie bride. And the haunting music is more appropriate for love lost than love gained.
So ain't love grand? (Or something). PS the dresses are gorgeous- stunning. But this video is just completely insane.
And that's what's up this you may kiss the bride (if you can find a pulse) kind of Tuesday in the lovely 212. Yours, in matrimony. XO
Link to video here: