Good morning, Thursday.
Just took a lovely walk with Khan and now we are snuggled together while I debate the virtues of showering (showering is going to win).
I just wanted to say that although this has been a bit of a crazy end of year for me, I feel strong. I feel full of hope and possibilities and peacefulness. I feel these things because I've been uneasy for some time and just like that, I'm not. Sure this is a minute by minute endeavor- yesterday the Christmas music in all the stores I went into had me feeling a bit blue. But then I saw some friends and had a lovely dinner and realized everything is going to be just fine- as a person who lives in a free society, I am way luckier than most.
And the luckiest thing I have going for me, right now, at this very moment, is mindfulness. Today I woke up for the first time in a long time without much to do. It was a gift, beyond a gift, to be able to sleep late and take Khan through our favorite neighborhood spots in his new holiday sweater. Right now as I write this, he's nuzzled in my lap, fast asleep. It's quiet in my apartment and all I can hear is his little breath and the sound of my thoughts. Imagine that. I can't say there's been many moments this year where I've perfected the art of doing nothing at all, and though I don't want to sit around forever, right here, right now, I am so very content. It is so hard to do- this doing nothing. We all have schedules, routines, families and lives that don't allow for much quiet time, or time to do very little in a sea of so very much. Our phones keep our schedules and we're pinged whenever we have a meeting, a doctor's appointment, or a reminder to run an extra couple of miles. I love that I am sitting here and looking forward to seeing some more friends this afternoon and evening, and I will always treasure this moment right now as a little gift and reminder of how we associate doing nothing with boredom or stasis. Right now, I'm happy not to move and not to overthink. For the first time in a few years, I'm going to just enjoy the moment today- who knows what tomorrow or ten minutes from now will bring- I've shut off the notifications and am reveling in said stasis and feeling balanced in this motionless moment. At last. After so much running around and stressing, I realized that all of that activity made it very hard for me to actually DO anything. I really am grateful for this time, and I know it's not going to last forever so savoring it while I can. Because to be able to still keep standing, I'm very much in tune with the need to just stand still.
Cause that's what's up this quiet little Thursday in the 718. Please take a moment this holiday season to give yourself the best gift ever- and that's doing nothing at all. Don't worry, it all picks up again in the New Year. Yours, in standing still. XO
