Good morning, Thursday. It's so hawt today. I can't. Scarlett O'Hara over here doesn't like the heat. Not one bit. I am el bitcho today for real. You've been warned.
So since it's a throwback Thursday, I thought I'd throw it back to when New York sucked. Yea, remember that?
Sure there are those of us that think New York sucks now because it doesn't. Sure the gang at the top of this post totally and completely suck. Yea today is kind of sucky because the weather is so jacked up and everyone's sweating and the iced coffee cup is sweating all over your silk dress from COS. And yea today sucks because I just saw a guy with a Duane Reade bag attached to his ass as some sort of MacGyver homeless makeshift toilet. But really, those occasions are few and far between, and it's rare that you hear that familiar litany of curse words yelled at high volume all in a row as a totem of manic New York living, and how eventually, living on an island will make you certifiably insane.
You see I remember when New York really sucked. And I loved every minute of it.
Because as a New Yorker, it used to be your provenance to complain about how shit everything was here. From traffic to smelly subways to Giuliani's bullshit rules. New York used to suck because it was a city full of pissy, cynical people, who incidentally were funny as hell and made a perfect cast for tar rooftop parties with tapped kegs and 90s hip hop and loosely rolled joints. Because even though New York sucked then and Giuliani told us we couldn't dance in certain places or look at controversial art, we did anyway. And because New York sucked, it was totally and completely awesome. I know, it's confusing. But if you were here then, you know what I mean. And if you were here before then, you really know what I mean. See those people at the top of this post? They were not here. See these people just above? They were. Get it?
But cut to now. Long since Disney invaded Times Square, New York has become, well, nice. People don't seem to mind the chain stores, the lack of really good, shitty bars, and general lack of pervasive filth. In fact, people are moving here in droves, rolling into Brooklyn in Range Rovers like it's bloody Connecticut. If I see one more golden retriever happily padding down Court Street, I'm going to scream. In fact, I know many people who managed to avoid shitty New York and moved here in the era of Class Pass, Seamless, and Uber. New York is nice now. It's true. And you want to know why? Because everyone in New York at this point is rich. Yes, I'm slightly exaggerating but it's true. New York is a wonderful city for the rich- shopping everywhere, COCKTAILS!, the best boutique gym classes and all the farmers market kale you can eat. In some ways, I feel like the successful people who came to New York already rich missed out on the good times. I have a friend who recently exclaimed "how awesome" New York is when you have little kids. I can't even fathom somebody saying that back in the day, and everyone says that now because little Jagger is posh and will most likely inherit his parent's brownstone in Cobble Hill. It's worth noting I lived in Cobble Hill in the 90s to escape Manhattan and not a single person would visit me out there, except for the ex boyfriend I was so desperately trying to get rid of. There was no sushi. There was certainly no Barneys. And you were either taking a shitty car service into the city or the train. And that kind of sucked. But rent was next to nothing and you could actually afford your apartment, yet somehow still complain about how much New York sucked. I'm happy most days and it makes me sick.
I guess New York still sucks. Just not in the same way it used to, when the playing ground was a bit more egalitarian and all of us could rejoice together in how oppressive living here could be and have fun poking at ourselves and each other and the crazy place we called home. And don't get me wrong- I'm not exactly nostalgic for old New York (I'm not a nostalgic person really), but I do miss people being a bit more real and grounded and cynical and hilarious. Yea I love clean New York too, because I love this city no matter what really. But once in a while I really miss old sucky New York, full of salt, vinegar, and piss. Now it still stinks, though the air is often scented with oud or peonies or money. New York, will you ever suck again in the way I like? PS I suck now too. Like completely. Plus it's hot and I already told you I'm surly today.
Cause that's what's up this overheated Thursday in the 212. Yours, in suckiness. XO