Good morning, Monday...hope you all had a great weekend. I'm struggling to get it together- our apartment is not feeling right yet and we have much to do- our furniture is not working at all and we most likely have to have a massive purge and replace- it's a bummer but New York living is very different than Miami living. And though I have not once thought about Miami the city, I have very much thought about Miami, the apartment. Oh, that apartment...I'm thrilled that a dear friend of mine took it- it really was the nicest place I have ever lived and felt fantastic to pass it on to someone I hold dear. And though this place has potential, I'm wondering if Nate Berkus or someone cute like that takes on charity cases when it comes to home decor. The whole thing gives me anxiety and I just want it to be done, yet I don't know where to begin.
I often resist the urge to be negative on this blog- at times I go for snark but when I'm feeling low, I don't love to share- I don't like sympathy and I don't need to bog anyone out there in the blogosphere with my bullshit- nobody needs ot hear me complain about how my furniture doesn't work, how I am living in an apartment with a yard in Brooklyn that I can't quite get used to, and how I am wondering what the next phase of my life will hold- for the first time ever I am jobless in New York, but hoping to continue my freelance and entrepreneurial endeavors because that is my path. But there you have it- I've said it- I'm having a real rough time, which was super unexpected. I think it's the absence of a routine that has me crazy too- I can't seem to get it together to go to the gym, go get coffee, and go do all of those things that make one feel balanced and normal and straight. And though we all bitch about the routine, the grind, the treadmill of work/life, it's somehow comforting to have all those little duckies in a row. I really am more Rain Man than I thought.
I never realized how much I need to have my physical "home" in order, as in the place I wake up each day, cook each day, and hang out in each day. I'm not sure why this place is not quite working, but it's kind of a bummer. I am sure we will get there, but it's tough. Though I know it seems stupid to bitch about something like outsized furniture when so many have no place to live or no food to eat. I'm not in that boat thank goodness, I'm just feeling massively out of sorts, not in tune with the universe, and wondering when this apartment will ever feel like home. It's helped to see some friends this past week and reconnect with old ones- I've enjoyed that immensely but I find myself clinging to each moment I get in Manhattan, and not wanting to get back on the train to Brooklyn. It's a craving for the familiar, I suppose, and though I lived in this very neighborhood many years ago after a bad breakup, it's still not my Manhattan, even though it is filled with cute boutiques, the magic of local, and loads of amazing places to eat. I miss the hop, skip, and a jump nature of Manhattan- the ease of bopping around, the ability to find a Sephora close by, to duck into a Soul Cycle class whenever I want. I know it's crazy, but it's true. I am seconds away from the city on the train, but somehow it's not the same.
I think that in times of great transition (now I'm speaking of my career), the power of a comfy home is key- and right now, I still can't find most of my clothes. What's surprising beyond belief is that Khan seems to be adjusting to life in the 718 better than anyone else living in this house- he struts around Court Street like he owns it, and is very much enjoying taking the spiral staircase to our living room two paws at a time, in a sort of doggy bunny hop. As for me, I'm humbled by how this huge move has made me feel- I was feeling very powerful in Miami, and now that I am here, the sheer newness and change has thrown me into a tizzy. I suppose it's normal, but I'm reeling.
Anyway, I've decided to take a break and find some inspiration, strength, and joy in what I know was the right decision for all of us. So I'll be back after the New Year to check in and tell you how we're coming along. Right now I am grateful for having a warm home, a wonderful husband, and a well adjusted dog, but as for me? Well, that may take a minute or two. I'm going to use the time over the holidays to get myself together, get our place together, and hopefully get my inspiration back. I have great hopes for 2012, and I need to trust and be patient and figure out how to feel like me again. I hope the holidays bring you great joy, prosperity, and success. I will get there, I know, but going to take a time out to focus on securing my sense of self and not feeling so dispirited. Love to you all- please keep reading this blog, you have no idea how incredible it's been to write this each day...I just don't want to shortchange you with posts thate aren't inspired when I'm way more focused on finding my way...hope you will take that journey with me in the year to come. All the love, and that's what's up this making changes kind of Monday in the 718. I know I'm a lucky woman but I'm somewhat lost in (unfamiliar) space right now. I'm a bit of an unmade bed right now and hoping to tidy up in the weeks to come. XO