Good morning, Friday. I almost said Monday. Oy.
Well, here we are. And here I am. Today I turn 50 and have been thinking of this moment for about a year now. If I'm being honest, I'm feeling a little fucked off about it. Like, how the hell am I 50? But I know this feeling shall pass. Because although it's a big birthday, I've never felt stronger, smarter, or better in my entire life.
As someone that's born in a new decade/year (1970), marking these milestones has a lot of significance. So I tend to remember those birthdays the most. Don't ask me about 20. I have no idea. Probably drunk somewhere, making out with someone.
I very clearly remember turning 30, almost more than any other birthday in my life.
When I turned 30 I was in San Francisco on a hellish project, and feeling all the feels. Every single one. I got in a big fight with my boss and retreated to my friend's Victorian in the Haight. There I listened to "Blood on the Tracks" on repeat, and cried. The tears were not tears of sadness. They were tears of relief. I was so happy to be out of my manic panic 20s era. l knew at 30, life would be different. And it was. I met my husband two weeks later and the rest is history. 30 was probably my most important birthday of my life. Until now I suppose.
I turned 40 in Miami and threw myself a party with Jamaican patties, and David had a cake made with my picture on it. I had lots of friends over, my aunt flew down which was awesome, though I'd be lying if I said I was thrilled to fete myself in such a way. I'm not super comfortable with people celebrating me. Not that I'm not worthy. I'm just kind of shy about that stuff. Anyway, 40 was nice, and we all got boozy, but it wasn't really me to have a big bday party, and it still isn't. Thanks, quarantine.
Cut to 50. I'm working my butt off, I'm exercising my butt off, and I'm feeling powerful. I recently got a tarot reading (sorry non-believers) and the first three cards I pulled were the sun, moon, and stars. Can't beat that, really. I thought about renaming this blog "MIdlife Maven". But I'm still me. I don't need a label. I'm going to keep on just as I was because I'm not down with that title.
I feel that great things are in store, but this day threw me for a loop. I don't feel old at all, so I'm wondering how on Earth I'm 50. I had a hard time sleeping last night just thinking about it, but as the day got underway, I started to feel better. The anticipation was killing me. As in somehow I'd wake up with a chinful of hair and a.bucket full of hot flashes. Neither happened.
Look for a piece from me next week about turning 50 in captivity/quarantine. I'm writing this piece here in the car on the way to the beach, my happy place. Thanks to all my friends and family for wishing me well. I'm a bit thrown off by 50, but so grateful I can find my groove in lockdown, where I can quietly welcome this birthday just as I wish, with a slow bandaid rip. To be honest, I have very little patience, so the slow rip is something I have to deal with. Patience has never been my strong suit, and it sure isn't at this moment.
Cause that's what's up this 5-0 kind of Friday from the highway. Yours, from Sally O'Malley (see above GIF). XO