Good morning, denizens of Monday. Here we are again...
You know today I have to talk about the Oscars. You just know I do.
But here's the deal, kittens. There's not much to say. It was simply one of the most boring shows I have ever seen. Now I will admit I did not get out to see movies the way I usually do this past year, which can make cheerleading for who should win a bit lackluster. I blame Khan who has taken up much of my weekends and whose seperation anxiety caused many weekends as a family and not alot of time at the local mutliplex (I'm not complaining. I love the little guy. And he was fairly well behaved at the Oscar Party last night, so all is well in the world). So I watched, lovely food in hand, wine at the ready, and found myself trying very hard not to fall asleep. Though I am a huge fan of James Franco and his forays into every discipline imaginable (soap operas, directing, student for life, and actor), this gig did not fit him. At all. He looked stoned and uncomfortable and cynical. And Ms. Hathaway, who plays this ingenue gone Julia Roberts thing to the hilt, was formidable enough, but still did not really connect to the audience. Though her bevy of outfit changes was mildly entertaining, it was no match for the yawnfest of dialogue inserted into her well made up mouth (wondering if a very pregnant Rachel Zoe dressed her, PS. There certainly were some standouts- the tux with metallic shoe, the crimson number...).
The number of awkward moments was winge-worthy, and when that Jennifer De Leo won the Oscar, I realized that you don't need class to win gold (found her so low rent). The Kirk Douglas moment had me in hives- it's lovely to honor the man but it all just went on way too long. Kirk needs to be home in bed, eating something soft, watching the telecast and not presenting at it. Full stop. And then Patrick Bateman forgot his wife's name- oops. I trust he is no walk in the park to be married to, with the anger issues and such. Hope she gets a decent piece of jewelry out of him today. Not cool.
But enough about the boring show, which was boring beyond belief. You would think an Awards show celebrating the most profitable form of entertainment we've got (and our pop culture currency with the world, no less) could be a bit more fun? I must admit when Oprah came out I found myself shouting inside for her to stay. I vote for her to host next year. But enough about all of that. Let's talk fashion, shall we?
I wish I had happier news in that department, too. Nobody looked awful. There was no real Bjork moments or Lara Flynn Boyle tutu ensembles, though part of me wishes there were. It's simply part of the fun. Even Helena Bonham Carter spruced it up- true she was still goth but managed to squeeze herself into something somewhat tame. And everybody else did too. I don't know if last night's fashion was a reflection of our anxiety and precarious state of the world, but none of the dresses were really all that. I'm a bit done with the classic Hollywood thing PS. This is 2011 and we should be moving into something more modern- the only gal who did that for me was Gwyneth, whose insanely cool Calvin Klein and stick straight hair felt very NOW, with only the slightest pinch of THEN, and in a good way. Let's talk about everyone now:
Sandra Bullock- in red Vera Wang. I predicted to myself yesterday we would see red and there it was. Strapless and fitted. The lady has a great body but this dress was a bit of a yawner. Very simple and minimal but not so va voom.
Jennifer Hudson- Honey bunches- I am so on the fence on this one. That orangy/red Versace halter dress with a BEAUTIFUL gown. But was it me or did her boobs look terrible in it? All smushed and pushed? And I couldn't help but notice the insane gobs of paint on her face, which made her skin tone on the visage look wayyy different than on her body. But those boobs? Oy. Glad she lost all that weight, but yea, yea we know you're thin already. Wear something that suits, please.
Scarlett Johansson- Not a huge fan of the Dolce and Gabanna tablecloth. Now the post coital hair received a lot of flack, but I for one was a fan.I liked it, but maybe not for the Oscars. Maybe more for a dinner date with some hot young man she will surely be dating soon.
MIla Kunis- very pretty in Elie Saab. Again there was weirdness at the boobs- the lace was pretty but a bit odd in its placement. Dress was lovely, but didn't blow me away. She's a gorgeous girl, though, so anything she wears she looks amazing.
Natalie Portman- Pretty. Knows that pregnant woman should not try so hard to be glam or sexy. Plum Rodarte worked. But that's it. It just worked. Nothing less, nothing more.
Cate Blanchett- OK OK. Now many of my friends I watched with last night found this dress beyond vexing. But I found it not terrible. It was Givenchy, it was beyond high fashion, and it was lost on most of America. This was a dress for the Met Gala or the CFDA awards. This was a dress for fashion people, not for movie people, and trust me, they are not the same. Was not a great read on the carpet of red.
Mandy Moore- pretty girl in a pretty dress. Monique Lhullier stunning nude number with sparkles. Feminine and lovely.
Halle Berry- Marchesa confection. Very lovely. In her preferred shade of nude. Dress was outstanding, I'm not going to lie. But Marchesa's dresses always look like dessert, and that irritates me.
Haillee Steinfeld- young girl looking like dessert in Marchesa again. Like the length for her age, cute and age appropriate. I'm not mad at it.
Nicole Kidman- was she there? BORING. Was she in Dior? I wouldn't.
Michelle Williams- hey, Michelle. Rosemary and her baby called. They want their look back. It's enough. I dig the Chanel gown and she's pretty, but it's 2011. Modern it up, please.
Jennifer Lawrence- Okee dokee, Calvin Klein. We know you're minimal. And I loved the red, but this dress was not ENOUGH. At all. B-O-R-I-N-G. With that body, take it up a notch, for crying out loud- the long tank shape and tiny jewels was a snooze. Was she protesting glamour? I get she was doing the understated thing, but put on an earring of substance. It's the Oscars.
HIllary Swank- Listen up. Swank has the body to rock a gown and she did not disappoint. That Gucci silver feather trimmed number was a knockout. This is how you do the Oscars, peeps. And on her I didn't mind the lack of makeup and hair kept simple- that dress said it all.
Reese Witherspoon- in Armani Prive. Black and white. Not a big fan of the dress. Boring and a bit bat mitzvah. But did love the Stepford updo.
Mrs. McConnaughey/Mrs. Lucky/Camilla Alves- holy merde. She had my fav dress of the evening, next to Gwyneth. Kaufman Franco and lovely. And the date didn't suck either. Absolutely stunning. I suspect it's one that will be copied by Allen Schwartz today. It's that good. And Matthew...oh, Matthew. You're so damn cute.
WINNER- Gwyneth. Gotta go with her. That Calvin Klein was all that and a bag of chips. Modern, with vintage references in the best of ways, and altogether a celebration of true American class and style. Love. Not sure who did her dress when she sang, but it was pretty too. She so understands fashion, and for this I reward her with a huge thumbs up. Everyone else? Meh. Some pretty things, but nothing had me swooning. Couple that with Kelly Osbourne's horrendous preshow commentary (I hate her as fashion authority) and the boring show itself, and I felt happy that awards show was over, and look forward to Paris Fashion Week, which is upon us this week. I have to go walk my pooch, who is still mad I subjected him to such a boring telecast, though he did stick his face into a piece of birthday cake....
Ta ta for now...gotta get to it. Lots of love and happy Monday. PS that show and its fashion was not nearly "enough". Just in case you were wondering...and that's what's up in the 305, and I'm sticking to it. XO
