Dear women of the Republican party (and to the women who report on them):
Recently I watched your version of the red carpet, the Republic National Covention. Besides the ubiquitous cowboy hats and stars and stripes forever vibes, I couldn't help but notice another trend when it comes to Republican style (yes, that's a thing).
I noticed that you ladies of the party of Lincoln and Reagan and doom and gloom Trump like to wear really, really tight dresses. In most cases, sleeveless. In some cases, cap sleeved. And in the case of the potential hottest First Lady of all time, a trumpet sleeve, which, incidentally, was not designed by an American. Quel surpris.
As I watched all four nights alternating between shock, awe, and emotional eating, I found myself riveted not only to your candidate's insane hair, but to the way you were all dressed. I have never seen so many sheath dresses in my life- in color, color, TECHNICOLOR. Screaming in a way that denotes a taking care of business ideal that somehow translated more into a very desperate housewife dressed up for career day in Bethesda. And most of the reporters of the female persuasion decided to follow right along and wear sheaths that spoke louder than their commentary and showed us more than we needed to see. I suppose it's all appropriate though- the thought of Trump makes many uncomfortable, so mission accomplished when it comes to wearing clothes that cut off your breathing supply. Is it hot in here?
And the fact that Michelle Obama took so much heat for showing those amazing arms of hers is ridiculous. Because you ladies of the Republican Party rock dresses so tight, I can see your ovaries. Not to mention everything else, or at least the tight outline of parts on parade. I have no doubt the men of the party like their ladies to look traditional, but since when did fembot denote Christian values and second amendment rights and pro life ideals? Annie, get your gun. And ye olde sheath dress. Don't forget your sheath dress.
Thing is, I just found the whole thing so incredibly off putting, so incredibly hyper feminine in a Stepfordish version of what it means to dress like a woman today, that I find some solace in Hillary's pantsuits, as admittedly terrible as they may be. Because modern women should be comfortable in their own skin and wardrobe, not sausaged into some off color casing that no amount of Spanx can manage. And although Ivanka and Melania both have well toned bodies, I hate the way they dress. It's super sorority girl on steroids and is devoid of any personality whatsoever, and the Donald's a handsy one- particularly on his own daughter. Ewww. Plus how can one emotional eat when watching Trump's speech if you're wearing a dress that is crushing your internal organs?
And if you are anything over a 32B, and you have had several children, your boobs are going to look terrible in a dress like this. Except if you're Michelle Obama. The look works on her beyond belief. She is the major exception to this look. And a Democrat. Sorry not sorry.
According to the International Business Times, Melania's dress from Roksanda cost over $2k while the more humble and "just like us" Ivanka wore a dress from her own line which jammed up the interwebs for hours and rang in at $138. That's like toilet paper for the Trumps, right? I have no doubt he's wiped his ass with US currency, but that's not her nor there. Needless to say, I have a couple of sheath dresses in my closet, but they are black and only black. And they are more Jackie or Audrey than Kappa Kappa Gamma cougar drinking pinot grig while railing against "the system". To me, tight dresses and freedom don't really go together, but that's just me. And I never, ever wear a dress like that when I'm feeling hungry or hormonal. Which is most days. But then again, Ivanka and Melania probably eat ice cubes and swallow their own tears.
So really, this whole sheath dress thing is pretty naf. I know women think it's very powerful, but I find it to to be the 2016 version of the padded power shoulder. When are women going to realize it's ok to not only wear the pants, but soften the silhouette? No wonder everyone at your convention was so irritable. They were all wearing clothes that were way too tight. In Cleveland.
That's all I've got right now. Let's see what the ladies of the DNC counter with. I'm hoping for a jumpsuit but I know that's too much to ask, and with Trump supporters calling for a prison sentence for our potential first female President, it may indeed be too soon. And after last night's email situation, I'm not sure Hillary is ever going to send an email again. Also, how dumb are these people to put this stuff in email? Everybody knows never implicate yourself in print/online. DUH. Can't they just have a shadowy meeting in a BBQ spot like in "House of Cards"? Ugh
All I can tell you is that I noticed the ladies of Trump land rocking some serious sausage numbers, and between my nightmares of a Trump presidency and my nightmares over Russian email hackers, I couldn't help but shout out the sheath. Cause that's what's up this uptight Monday in the 718. Yours, in loosening up.
Best,
The Maven XO