Good day, Wednesday and Happy Fourth to all my country folk. The title of this post is not meant to mislead- I am 100% Americano, baby. I love Guns N Roses, Southern rock, Jack and Coke, and the stars and stripes. I'm every bit the American girl, and though I have a healthy dose of New York cynicism, living somewhere like France where pessimism colors every day life (pourquoi? it's so gorgeous there) would mess with my mojo. I root for the home team, watch the World Series, pay my taxes, and support my President. I speak my mind, love a parade, and pledge allegiance. But here's what I don't do- I don't watch fireworks on the Fourth of July, at least not in person. In fact, I can count on one hand how many times I have done that, and most of the time it's been from up high and indoors where noise was not a factor.
And since we're in an age of full disclosure thanks to Wikileaks and ponzi schemes, I'm going to share why that is- since I was a very little girl I was absolutely terrified of fireworks, lchampagne popping, gun shots, and balloon pops. I am not afraid of thunder or loud music or city noise- but a car backfire. Forget it. I'm toast.
Perhaps something happened to me way back in the womb to cause this distress, but all I know is I can't be within several thousand feet of an explosion without my heart feeling like it is going to pop out of my chest. And when the rest of you are at picnics and bbqs and look forward to the evening of the Fourth of July, I am generally trying to talk myself off a ledge, since roman candles and M 80s and all of those things that go boom completely freak me out. And that's another reason I know New York City is the perfect place for me- despite the great food, witty and smart people and fabulous fashion, New York is one of the few places in our country where fireworks are completely illegal, and of this, I am most thankful. Pyrotechnics and me will never be pals.
Living in Miami was troubling for many reasons, but the Fourth of July and in fact any holiday worthy of celebration was full of seismic explosions that would shake my house. They sold them on the streets, they set them off on every corner, and I would put in ear plugs and pray for the best. And for this I somehow feel guilty- isn't it my duty as a patriotic American to watch fireworks- to love explosions of color and light and salute our troops and our history and our heritage? Not to mention that I'm from Philadelphia, the nation's birthplace and where all of this Fourth of July business first went down. Needless to say, I am not sure my poor parents ever had the pleasure of a good fireworks show, because they always had to take me to a double feature movie on the 4th and miss out on all the fun. There was a family around the corner from my childhood home that had quite the show each year, and would yell "fire in the hole" as they set about lighting up the skies with some of the loudest fireworks I have ever heard. This was more traumatic to me than getting braces or realizing that John Taylor would never be mine. I simply hated every minute of the 4th, and heaven forbid I was anywhere near that madness- year after year they set them off, and year after year I ran for cover.
So although today is a day to celebrate (it's also my dear sweet nephew's birthday) and rejoice in our red white and blueness, I myself salute the troops and my country and my love for American culture, but I'll be putting in ear plugs first. My reluctance to fully embrace July 4th comes not from a bad attitude or lack of respect, but because the rockets red glare and bombs bursting in air make me reach for the Xanax. And I suppose as an American, that's my right- the freedom to choose whether to watch the lit skies or not- so if you ever wonder why I decline an evening invite to a July 4th party, you'll know why. It has much to do with my reluctance to be around that booming which makes my heart jump and my stomach drop. It's just the way I am, and today I am grateful for being an American, reluctant as that gratitude may be. G-d Bless America, but keep it down, would you? Cause that's what's up this grand old flag of a Wednesday in the best city in the best country in the world. I'll be watching the Macy's fireworks all right, but from the comfort of my own home with the a/c blasting to drown out the noise. Happy Fourth of July to everyone...be safe and enjoy- and come to my house if you love the holiday but hate the noise. XO