Good afternoon, friends. I had a thought just now as I was walking through Grand Central for a coffee- in our constant quest for self improvement, have we really lost our selves? Yup, heady stuff for a short stint to the coffee shop, but still...
I can't help but think that with all of us going gluten free (guilty), dairy free (guilty), downward dogging, cross fitting, marathon running, chakra cleansing, juicing, detoxing, and decompressing, are any of us becoming truly "better" human beings? It's true we may be in better shape, look better in our jeans, and have a more chilled out approach to our daily commutes and stressful work/life blurs. But really, you gotta wonder- if we put this much energy into not just improving ourselves but helping the world be a little bit better, kinder, healthier, wouldn't that be the biggest self improvement of all? Our vision of a healthy life is just too narrow- we need to make room in our lives for others or we're really going to blow it. How can we truly see what's best in ourselves if we don't think of others?
Lately, it's been hitting me so very hard how bad things are for so many. I see people every day in various states of suffering- homelessness, job loss, sickness. I see animals in need of homes, who can't help themselves and didn't ask to be put in terrible situations. I see people at work snapping at each other and losing it on each other and snarking about each other behind their backs. Lest you think I'm some sort of hippie chick, I'm not really. I'm just super bored with our constant quest for "self improvement". It's starting to feel very shallow, and if we spent a bit less on juice cleanses and private Pilates instruction, maybe we could put a few bucks into causes that are worth our time?
I'm not suggesting anybody stop taking care of themselves- but perhaps a little less self obsession and seeking and searching and more compassion towards others and helping and empathizing is what we really need. I have always said our endless frenzy for self awareness is the provenance of the privileged- what I'm suggesting is perhaps this whole self improvement thing is not about us at all- it's truly about what we can do for others. Perhaps one less selfie a day to look around and see what's happening in the world. It doesn't seem too much to me, but maybe I'm too idealistic.
In my younger years, if somebody at work was crappy to me, I often blamed myself. I find myself doing something else of late- I'm often feeling sad for that crappy person, because something terrible must be happening in their lives or has happened in their lives to make them want to treat others that way- only unhappy people do that, by the way. Sure, we all have our moments, but I'm talking about the repeat offenders. I'm thinking even those peeps deserve our compassion and sympathy. It's hard work to be an asshole. Exhausting even. And worse still, lonely. But I'm not really talking about those types.
I'm talking about those that really need us- not the ones that are pissed they can't take a ski vacation this winter, but I'm not blind- and I see people and causes and animals all day and night that could use our attention and energy and hard work. How about giving up one yoga class a week to go volunteer? Or taking that money you were going to spend on a nutritionist and feeding a family of four or ten? Or instead of constantly seeking the answers on some self guided vision quest, ask somebody if they need a hand. Oh, and listen- slow claps for you if you are able to do all of that self seeking stuff and still help others- that's a tall order. Good for you, really. But if we're only looking inward and not spreading our energy outward, I think we're failing. In fact, I know we are- we've become severely myopic and we need to see the (much) bigger picture and stop blurring what's important. You do want your children to be more than skinny vegetarians, right? Can we teach people to be compassionate, kind, and giving?
If this all seems like too much, start small. Give someone a compliment. Clean out your closet and give away all of those jeans you know are not ever going to fit you again. Donate to your local animal shelter or rescue instead of buying another pair of shoes or whatever it is you buy on Gilt. All of this me, me, me stuff is really becoming a pandemic. I'm feeling like we need to do less for ourselves, and more for all the other people and causes and basically, the rest of the universe rather than the universe of one. I just finished my coffee, and I gotta go. Oh, and by the way, if you need help with anything cause related or just need a friend or an ear or a hug, I'm here. I'm so tired of me.
Cause that's what's up this looking outward kind of Thursday in the 212. Yours, in adjusting the lenses. It's not about giving up on oneself completely, quite the contrary- it's about sharing that new improved and refreshed you with those that need you the most. That's the best thing any of us could do for ourselves. XO