Hi, Monday...I am tired of being hot and I am confused by the werepanthers on "True Blood" (though I love the term) but other than that, I am just ducks. I saw some interesting things on love and marriage this weekend that I wanted to share. So here goes.
I was watching CBS Sunday Morning yesterday, who did a comparison of civil unions circa 1980-something vs. today. We're talking the City Hall variety of marriage. As someone who also eloped, this piqued my interest. In addition to the odd wardrobe and hair choices that took place back in the 80s, you could not help but get choked up watching two people, deeply in love, ready to tie the knot, with just the two. It was a lovely slice of life, but fast forward to now and how the notion of marriage has changed- a recent survey (2010) of 2,691 Americans done by Pew in association with Time magazine found that nearly four in 10 Americans think marriage is becoming obsolete. That's an 11 percent spike since 1978, when Time asked the same question percent of Americans found marriage to be unneccessary and obsolete. But then gay marriage was passed in New York, and suddenly, marriage became interesting again, and ultimately, redefined. Why are us married people always so unsatisfied I wondered? Why can't we keep the spirit of those brand newlyweds of the 80s? I know why. The same reason a dog, well, you know. BECAUSE WE CAN.
We have always been able to get married, as long as we were a man and woman, we could. It didn't matter if you were fat, poor, grossly wealthy, or dumb as a post. You could do it- and that's why we take it for granted. Because we can. For many same sex couples, they couldn't. Like, ever. And now they can, and they appreciate it more than we ever have. And if you talk to many same sex couples, they will tell you they have been married for years, and this is merely icing on the cake, not to mention a validation of their rights as an American and a spouse. But us straights have decided that maybe this marriage thing is not working out, and that maybe people are better off alone. That could be true, for some. But imagine if that right was taken away- would we still feel the same way? Sure marriage is challenging and confusing at times, but how lucky are we to be able to do it? To make a choice to run off to Vegas or go big at the Pierre? Damn lucky is the answer.
Take another piece I read in the Times this weekend for instance. It was about a teenaged couple in Afghanistan, who were sentenced to death (not only by the courts but by the prompting of their own families) for falling in love. Yes, it's true. Love was their crime, punishable by death. These two kids fell in love, and it was not an arranged marriage, but rather by their own choosing (imagine that and now their parents wish them dead. Can you even fathom living in a culture that does not allow you to choose who you can love, and further, murders you because of it? Call me ethnocentric for not understanding such a thing, but what kind of world do we live in that this kind of insanity still exists? It's hard to believe that this is happening, but it is- and it makes me realize how much we all take for granted. And on the flip side, we're lucky we can also choose to end relationships if they don't work out too- but honestly can we start overlooking some of the perceived faults of our partners and realize just how lucky we are to have the rights we have ,whether we choose to marry or not?
Hey, this debt ceiling thing is surely fucked, but at least we have the choice to love who we want. Let's hope the law for same sex marriage passes nationwide. Love is all we have anyway, isn't it? That and freedom of choice.
Cause that's what's up this free to love who we want to kind of Monday in the MIA. Love sweet love, people. XO
Here is a link for a sweet photo essay of same sex wedding days in New York:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/07/24/nyregion/20110724-gaymarriage-p...