Hi, Tuesday. I am breathless. Let me try and breath and give this a shot...
Let's talk about fear. I have often heard that fear is a great motivator andI have never understood what that meant. For me, fear has always equaled
paralysis. It stops me in my tracks and causes me to freeze and panic. Maybe
you, like me, were raised with a heaping helping of fear on a daily basis. I
was basically told to be afraid of everything, so I was, and sometimes, I
still am. So the whole empowering fear thing never rang true for me. (I wasn't buying).
But recently I've come to a major crossroads in my life and began to think
differently about fear. I started to become afraid of what would happen if I
didn't make some decisions in my life and remained paralyzed by my
inevitable fear of sweeping change. Sure I have always been first on the
list to dye my hair a crazy color, but I have always been the biggest
chicken when it comes to huge life changes. Leaving New York. Learning to
drive (yes, learning to drive). Taking a job in FLORIDA. I have passed up
opportunities because of my fears but now see a bit of a switch in my
thinking, because I've changed up the way I feel about fear. Here's how I
look at it, if you are still intrigued. So check it- I was terrified to leave New York for a million reasons. Who
would understand my sarcasm? Where could I get a bialy? How the hell would I
get anywhere without a driver's license? Who would do my hair? But then I
became more terrified by the fear of staying in New York- forever living in
a small hovel with radiator heat, constantly fighting for everything, and
never being able to get a cab at 4 pm (just try that sometime). The fear of
NOT making changes overpowered the fear of making changes. And that's how I
feel right now. TODAY I am leaving a job that has given me so, so much. I have been
terrified of what it's like to leave a job that has been so satisfying for
so long, even though I have longed to explore what else there is. I have
always been an explorer, but have been too scared to go deep and see what
the world has in store for me. But I decided a few weeks ago that I was
becoming more fearful of standing still, of not achieving success in my own
mind, and of not being true to who I am. And that fear outweighed the fear
of the unknown. So suddenly I understand what this motivated by fear thingy
really was- a fire was lit under my ass and I became empowered by the
anxiety that came with not going and taking a risk and trying my own thing.
And I don't think I would have ever even gotten there had I not had this
phenomenal job that allowed me to develop into the person I am today. I
don't regret a single thing. And that's how this girl ended up leaving her job, staying in Florida,
driving all over town, and seeking opportunities that will make her heart
sing. Fear really is a great motivator, but not in the way I intended. And
that's pretty much the way life works anyway, when it wants to show you
something. It's never the way it appears when you first see it. If you look
further, it's simply right there, in a twist sometimes, but it's there,
trust me. With that I take my leave of you for today. I am truly blessed to feel this
creative and inspired and vital in this here new year. And that's what's up
this happily fearful Tuesday in the MIA. Making moves in 2011. Kisses and
hugs. Take the fear and transform it. It's not your Jewish mother talking if
you listen very carefully. Off you go. And off I go. XO