Friday, you're here, and you've arrived with a day of deliveries (furniture) and box removal guys that shall finally allow our move to set in. We really "live" here now. I'm amazed.
I hesitated to talk too much about New Year's reflections upon my return to this blog, but wanted to tell you how I'm looking at 2012, with all of this change around me and within me and beside me. As I read through the posts of Facebook friends and read the tweets of celebrities, I realized that all of us are conditioned to think that we are actually in control of what will happen this year. Sure, you can lose weight, stop smoking, or write the next great American novel, but I'm struggling to understand the purpose of all of this agenda setting, because we simply have no control when it comes to a sort of universal change. I'm not saying throw out your goals, but I am saying this- LIVE A LOT, NOT A LITTLE. Stop with the constant carb counting, overscheduling, insane worrying about getting by and getting ahead. I have found in my own life that when I'm feeling desperate for change and try to push too hard to manifest it, it doesn't happen, and I get deflated and anxious and frustrated.
But when I give in (not give up) and have faith that I will somehow get what I need, it appears- in the form of more work, the perfect vision for my reconfigured living situation, or a realization that not everything in our lives is there for the reason you think it is- I started this blog as a personal outlet and it's led to a realization that writing is my passion, a rediscovered passion that was dead for many years. I think it revealed itself to me as I looked to this blog not as a way to make money, change careers, or change my life. I just did it because it felt good, and expected nothing from it; yet it gave me so much. I had no idea however many posts ago that I would be pursuing a new path as a writer, and there's great humility in that- sure I crafted this destiny for myself, but I didn't try to control every inch of it. I simply let it unfold. I think it's sad how as we get older and worries about all of our adult responsibilities take over, we lose our ability to be spontaneous. I can't help but wonder what toll this is taking on all of us- so many opportunities and lessons pass us by when we have our head buried in yet another list of everything we need to do. How about at least once a week, not being a slave to a list or discipline or plan? There's great beauty in the unexpected, trust me, even if that involves something as simple as stopping to smell the flowers instead of burying your head in your phone. I can't help but wonder- are we so worried about what's going to kill us that we've stopped really "living"?
So as you're booking appointments with your personal trainer, wondering how you can eat another salad for lunch without having murderous thoughts, or feeling trapped in a career that no longer feels simpatico with your being, fear not. Just have faith that there's big plans for you, too- regardless of whether you make it to the gym today or not. It's just the way life works. Or at least I think it does...in 2012, I think I am going to continue my belief that everything is as it should be, right here,right now. Have faith that everything we do has something to show us, and if we work ourselves into a lather trying to schedule our lives to the point of overprecision or having unrealistic expectations or thinking that not eating something delicious once in a while is going to change our lives, well...set yourself free from that right NOW. That's what I mean about starting to feel, with less emphasis on "doing". It's great if you're working out get a better ass, but once in a while focus on how good it makes you feel. And if you're stuck in a career you hate because it's "what you do", start focusing on the things that make you :"feel" the good feelings, and change will happen. Just. Like. That. (PS I'm not suggesting any of us can stop what we're doing- I still have work to do, I still have to pay my rent, and I still have to go the gym. I'm not stopping those things anytime soon. I'm just reorienting myself to think about them in a different way).
Cause that's what's up this leave yourself alone and feel more than do kind of Friday in the greatest city on Earth. All the love for a fabulous weekend- be kind to yourself. And eat a piece of bread for crying out loud. I guarantee that when you are old and gray one day, you're not going to revel in the fact that you didn't eat that croissant, you're going to remember how good it tasted and wish you could have another one. XO