It may say something like this:
Hello, you. Yup, I'm the Proenza Schouler PS1 bag. Uh huh. Yes maam. Here I am dans le flesh. I'm the fucking ONE.
I see you staring at me, all giddy and depraved. In truth, I'm used to it but your particular brand of bloodlust is almost uncomfortably pure. Maybe it's my perfect color (smoke), or the fact that I come in many colors to suit your moodiness. Is that desperation in your eyes? Are you trying to figure out how to have me? I can almost see your gears turning, in a steroidal haze of wishing, hoping, and scheming to somehow make the money to buy me. You know you have to take me home, don't you? If you don't today, you will leave the store, deflated, and probably click on a million websites to try and figure out how to buy me for cheap.
But that's the thing, darling. Can I call you darling? I'm not cheap, and I never will be. I don't go on sale. I'm THAT perfect. Maybe it's my modern take on schoolgirl fashion that has you agog. Or my simple silhouette that would work well with everything from jeans to dresses. And that the size of me will magically fit all of your crap, as well as make your hips look smaller. OK, now you're drooling. Don't stand so close to me. I don't like to get wet. Do you want to touch me? Go ahead.
I know you want to fill me. Stuff me full of lipsticks, makeup, keys, a wallet, maybe even your gym clothes in a pinch. I'm great for traveling, absolutely amazing for it. And I'm way too good for your candy wrappers and discarded tissues. You'll want to keep me pristine. I'm a grade A piece of leather, sweetheart. Know that.
Oh and don't even think of telling your husband about this, as in slipping it into conversation over Chinese food later how you saw me today, and how if you could have me you would no longer need to eat or buy toilet paper or buy any Kiehl's products, like, for a long time. . He will never understand why you would even want me as much as you do, and that I cost a couple bucks shy of two grand (PS have you seen me in suede and all those colors I mentioned before? Not sure you will be able to take it, you've been warned. You should start with just me, though. Let's take things slow).
It's not for men to understand these things, but I understand you, and that's why you want me. That and I am cute, classic, edgy, practical, and glamorous all at once. I mean, how many times in life can you come across that? Oh, now you're starting to justify my existence- you're in your head- thinking about all the outfits I would go with- yes, a black sheath dress and strappy platforms would work really, really well with me. Oh yea, and so would your Alex Wang tees and skinny jeans. I actually make any of your outfits look better, that's how sexy I am. And yes, yes, and yes- you really would have me forever, and yes my hardware is subtle yet substantive and amazing. And I agree that an investment piece is the way to go for the Fall, just ask any of the magazines- they would all tell you to buy me. You must love me. Oh wait, you already do...yes, I am an OUTSTANDING neutral, it's true. I'm smoky and hot for you. I know I can make you happy, if only for a season or two, though you are wanting me for a lifetime.
Woah- you're walking away? You mean we're over before we even began? Wow, baby- that's brave. We had a bright future together. Remember how you passed up that LV Griet bag a few years ago and lived to lament that? Uh huh. Thought so. You really are walking away, huh? Oh well, I'm too good for you anyway, and I will most likely taunt you in your dreams tonight. I have no doubt you'll be back tomorrow anyway, scheming and plotting and sweating over how you can have me. See you then, bitch.
http://www.lagarconne.com/store/item.htm?itemid=11840&sid=903&pid=648#