Good afternoon, Monday. I feel like I haven't been blogging much lately, and although I almost always find time to talk about something, this past week or so has felt too big in my own bones to write about lip gloss, shoes, or my favorite dress (not that I'm mad at any of those things).
I've been thinking loads lately about the notion of giving, of helping, of making a difference somewhere, somehow. In fact, it's all I think about. Between all of the natural disasters, mass shootings, regime changes, and of course, the news of the weekend having us all palpitating (we're sorry, Trayvon), it's hard to know who to help first.
And to further complicate things, I was not raised to be an altruist. Though I love my family (talking mostly about my parents), I was not taught the value of helping others- sure my mom and dad gave a couple of bucks to the Jerry Lewis Telethon every year, but really helping people? Nah. That wasn't their trip. I'm not judging that (well maybe I am), but that's the way it was. Charity was not their thing.
And my young adult life had me too frail and insecure and too emotionally wonky to realize the value of helping others, or even realize that was something I should do. I was really way too interested in helping myself, yet somehow I found it very hard to ask for help when I needed it (will get back to that in a sec). But that was then and this is now, and though I still struggle with where I'm headed and where this thing called life is going to take me, I know this- I'm going to insist upon getting involved, spreading the word, and helping others- that's a non-negotiable. And on that, lest you think I'm looking to move to Calcutta, I'm not. I think when I was younger, the "type" of people that helped people were saint like, monastic types who gave up their whole lives in order to save the children. I'm seeing as I get older that you don't have to do that, that all you have to do is put your hand up. And trust me, you don't need to be a saint to do it- if you are someone who likes to build stuff, go build stuff. If you are a good listener, go listen. If you have the soul of a fighter, then go fight against injustice. You get the idea.
This weekend I was fortunate and blessed to help out on a project for Dress for Success. If you're not familiar, it's an organization that empowers women looking to make changes in their lives by giving them the tools (and the wardrobe) to survive out there. A couple nights last week after work, I got to interview a bunch of women whose stories had me at hello. Here were women who were so strong, so open, so willing to admit that they had a problem- and it's not just drugs, alcohol, or spousal abuse, though certainly there's plenty of those stories. Whatever the story was, the common thread was seeking help, being open to others helping, and looking to not only become the best one can be, but also to pay it forward and give back once you do. And that's when it hit me- even asking for help, admitting you may need a hand, or sharing painful stories puts something into the world that is beyond that single story- just by asking for help it means you are seeking compassion, love, and something higher than all of us. I think this revealed itself hugely when I adopted Khan, my sweet little dog. Something clicked in me that made me feel so much for this little cornflake colored terrier and his huge eyes- as morning after morning he wagged his tail at me and waited excitedly for his breakfast, I felt so blessed that I could provide food and shelter for this little guy, who never asked for a thing in return, only for me to love and care for him, and sit in my lap as often as possible. But back to my weekend.
I got to meet all of the women I chatted with on the phone when they freely told me their stories, we laughed, we cried together, we shot some beautiful photos of their beautiful faces. I can't tell you how gratifying this was, and what a wonderful organization full of strong, amazing, non-judgmental women who focus on making women feel whole. I will never say no if they need my help, and I feel so happy I have found a cause that feels aligned with my skills and passions. And if you're not in a position where you feel like you can help others right now because you need a hand yourself, don't be afraid to find some support. You are doing something very good for the world, even bigger than you, when you do. You're bringing about understanding and love. Not everything we do to heal ourselves or make ourselves better helps pay this forward. I think my biggest issue with this whole beyond me generation we live in is the fact that it's sure great you are tracking your runs on Nike+ and that your dinner consists of organic kale, but tell me- does that help anybody but you? Yes, that's ok. Yes, that's wonderful. But what I love about seeking help or helping others is the pay it forward aspect- there is simply nothing more satisfying than knowing you impacted a life, or conjured an action into the atmosphere that can help us see the good in the face of so much terrible. Maybe like me you were not necessarily hard wired at birth to give your time, your advice, or your support to those who need it, or maybe you thought asking for help was too much of a burden or that it made you weak in an era when everyone is trying to be so damn strong. Get over either of those. Right now.
So whether you want to ask for help or give some help, know this- we are all so very overwhelmed by the tremendous plight we're finding the world in these days- we have to help each other, build community, and heal each other, so that we can then go on and help others. And if the thought of going into a full throttle compassion session is too much for you- start small. Tell someone they're beautiful. Let somebody into your lane. Start a real conversation instead of staring into your phone. It's the only way we're going to survive. We may not be able to change that jury's verdict in Florida or bring back a teenaged boy, but we can focus on figuring out ways to help the millions of other causes we can lend our talents to- or perhaps all of this bad news has made you realize you want to change your own life, so that you too may be in a position to help others one day. Let's not lose hope- we still all have so much to give, and sometimes by asking, you're giving. Cause that's what's up this helpful Monday in the very hot city- I felt wonderful coming to work today knowing I had spent my weekend working on something that needed my help, and in turn, helped me. Thich Nhat Hahn said "compassion is a verb". I couldn't agree more. All the love. XO