Oh hey, late Monday afternoon. It's a quietish day here in the big city- overcast and warmish outside but just kind of blah. Something about that time change always makes me feel off kilter...
And speaking of off kilter, how 'bout that episode of "Girls" last night? If there was ever an opportunity to study theory according to Lena Dunham, I would become a lifelong student. Unless you've been living under a stalactite, you know that the whole DNA of the show is about pushing the envelope and making the viewer uncomfortable. Last night's episode was the equivalent of an air conditioner being thrown out the window (a very creepy air conditioner) and smack onto your psyche. I'm still in recovery mode from it, and I do believe if it wasn't for my sweater being firmly placed over my eyes for the last twenty minutes or so, I probably would have died from being super ill at ease.
And though I may be spoiling it for those of you who have not yet watched last night's twentysomething shenanigans, I gotta say- this was one hour filled with so many wrong things- you've got your lying, cheating, female sexual humiliation and manipulation, self inflicted physical harm, and sheer embarrassment for Marnie when she does a very poor imitation of Kanye West. (Intentional yes, but argh. Painful). Remember when Carrie fell on the runway? That was charming because it was Carrie Bradshaw. This was just plain awful, not to mention the pity/hate antics on the part of Marnie's ex boyfriend/downtown Internet mogul after her sad little solo. Yipes.
And then as I watched through a peek of sweater the awful sexual humiliation at the hands of Hannah's ex Adam, I felt sick. Nauseated. Angry. Scared. Horrified. You name it, I felt it. All the bad things one could feel anyway. I found myself feeling like Ms. Dunham had gone too far in her quest to make us squirm. But then I realized (after David calmed me down) that the whole point of the episode was about being with or simply being something you are not, and how that will drive you to do batshit crazy things. If you are not being true to your art, craft, voice, talent, heart, loins or anything else, you're going to hurt yourself or somebody else.
All of the characters in the show last night had major crises associated with such disassociation from one's true self. Sure it was an extreme take on that theme, but I do believe that's what we way over twentysomethings love about the show so much- it makes getting older a much easier pill to swallow. Because for many of us, although life does not get easier, it simply makes more sense as the years go by. You don't have to count to 8 or 88 or 8 million to feel that there's order in the universe. You don't have to stick a Q Tip in your ear to clear the clutter. And you certainly don't have to treat someone like shit because you hate yourself so very much, or be privy to someone treating you that way because you do. The show is popular with older people past all of this ickiness because each time we watch Hannah wear something or do something terrible or squint our eyes at the loathsome nature of each and every one of the characters, we thank whoever we have to thank that we made it past that time in our lives, when we didn't know who we were or where we belonged.
Yea that doesn't mean everyone gets "there" by any means (if you're reading this and asking where's 'there' you may indeed have some more work to do before you stop poking about too deeply in your ear canal), but I hope that you, like me, are able to watch "Girls" and realize that youth, long idealized by so many in fashion, in film and beyond, ain't all that. It's a torturous time of making many mistakes and not yet realizing your parents are not always going to be able to bail you out. It's fraternizing with the worst enemies and not knowing who your friends are. Of course there's fun involved, but for the most part, for me, it was a time of forgetting to wear pants. Much like Hannah last night. For much of my 20s, I always had that feeling like I was sort of cosmically underdressed, or completely clueless on how to get it together. I wouldn't go back there for nothin'.
What a brave episode last night- the show strikes so many nerves and chords and I'm not trying to be a smug older woman, but as a former girl, man am I happy to be past that shit. I'm not saying I don't go through it from time to time, but that is some wacky angsty badness there, and trust me, it does get better. It really does. But even if I'm happier as a woman than a girl, in this era of constant status updates about how psyched we all are, when someone shares with us how much things can really suck, I appreciate it. Life is not all selfies and bacon infused bourbon and life changing 8 mile runs after all. But damn if it doesn't get a little easier and less humiliating. The bottom line? Don't get stuck with stuff or people that don't make you a better human being, trust me, it's not worth it, even if at the time it seems like a good idea or fodder for another life. Older. Wiser. Yes, please. Cause that's what's up this comfortable in the skin kind of Monday on the isle. All the love and try to kind of sort of keep it together. The alternative is grim indeed. In Lena Dunham's world, it seems youth really is wasted on the young, if wasted means cringeworthy moments of insecurity and loathing and confusion. Oh, and being wasted. (That too). XO