Oh hey, Wednesday. Here we go again. I'm wearing my favorite onesie and seizing the day as best I can. But I have an issue. And the struggle is very real. Are you there, crew? It's me maven.
I need to tell you all one of my biggest problems with this virus besides the toll it is taking on our lives literally and figuratively is the following- I hate video conferencing. OMFG do I hate it. I'm not sure how many of you have met me in person, but I am notoriously camera shy. Like, to an absolute fault.
That said, put me in person with just about anyone and I'm golden. But this whole camera thing just ain't my thing, and much like driving, I've avoided it my entire life. (I know how to drive- thanks to living in Miami for 7 years, but don't miss it at all).
But back to the subject at hand- if you think I'm being hard on myself over my appearance, I'm not. I'm just not particularly camera ready and some people are and I'm just not. At all. Add video to the mix and ugh. omg. i'm not ready for my screen test and never will be. I hate how having a job now requires a strong on camera presence? I just can't. How to navigate this crazy world when everyone wants to bloody zoom zoom zoom all the time? I find the whole thing so unnerving and uncomfortable. I'd almost rather get an enema than have that awkward video call. Yuck.
I also have many friends, god love 'em all, who want to do caftan happy hours and game nights and wine with friends. I can't do it. I just can't. I'm sorry to all but the whole venue is not my trip. Call me anytime in lieu of seeing me in person. I just don't want to Facetime with you. Any of you. Ever.
What's it all about, Alfie? Shall we unpack it? Why do i fear this so? I just looked it up and found something called scopophobia which is a morbid fear of being stared at by others. I buy that. I don't like it. Maybe that's why I didn't want a wedding and why I spent ,most of ,my career behind the scenes. Don't look at me indeed. And on that note, ommetophobia is defined on Healthline as "an unrealistic fear that their eyes are in danger of being injured. Another possible cause is the avoidance of eyes related to situational or social phobias, also called social anxiety". Hmm. Not sure that's really me. But still don't look at me.
What's funny about it all is that I go to great lengths to be noticed. My hair is bright red. I'm not afraid of fashion. Or a loud print. Yet somehow, I'm uncomfortable when someone sticks a camera in my face or I see my mug on that Brady Bunch Zoom screen. Maybe I need to wear a chicken head. That might help. Or a costume of any sort. That won't be weird at all. I cop to taking selfies from time to time, but it's rare.
Wondering how the rest of you feel- I know we are in a cultural moment (long before COVID-19) where more and more of us are comfortable being photographed and photographing ourselves in every possible situation. I'm just not that gal and probably will never be. I'm all talk- quite literally. And that's that. I'll always be that avatar on your screen, faceless but not nameless. This would be a good time to get over my phobia, though. Let's wait and see. If you have any tips on how you deal with it, do let me know. Or maybe it just doesn't bother you. Lucky duck.
Cause that's what's up this Corona problem of a Wednesday in the 718. Yours, in saving face. XO