Good morning, Monday. I'm sitting here listening to Madonna's "Bedtime Stories" and remembering how much I love this album. And I'm not sorry...
So this weekend had many lovely things happening from stumbling upon a hoarder's paradise of goodness in a smoke stained garage in Red Hook to mingling with good pals at a Springtime soiree to getting back into "GOTS". For a minute, I was out. But now I am so back. So good last night.
But I digress- as I left work on Friday night to have a lovely dinner with a dear friend, I popped into the Gap just to see what was going on in there. The store itself was an absolute mess- as usual there's a sale on and merchandise was piled and thrown on top of other merchandise, with a free-for-all ensuing. Get it together, GAP. For reals.
And as I went to try on a denim jacket, I heard a woman in the dressing room say "I need a man's opinion".
I couldn't help but turn and look- it was a zaftig woman squeezed into a very, very tight black v neck long sleeve tee shirt. When the dressing room attendant (a male) took the bait, she said "I have a date tonight." And then came the clincher of all clincher female to male questions- "do I look fat in this?"
I found myself blush a little bit. I wanted to help her find a better choice. I wanted to let her know that although I hoped her date cared for more than her looks, she could surely find a better top. And then I thought, why on Earth was she asking a man while I was standing there? Didn't she know that 99.9% of men would NEVER tell you you look fat, particularly when asked by a woman who is a perfect stranger.
"Um no", he answered. "But if you want, you could do a cute jacket or something over and then take it off when you get hot".
Nice of him. I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she asked me. Because girl code to me says that we should tell each other not when we look heavy or fat, but when we don't look our best. I am not sure what I would have said, but G-d knows she would not have walked out in that shirt. I couldn't have let her do that. I realized that one should never solicit advice unless one is asked, and that men will almost never tell you the truth, so it's not worth asking them. And yes, that is Zayn Malik. He likes you just the way you are. As does every man you ask. (Even if they don't.)
When in doubt, ask a woman. We'll tell you the truth- sometimes we'll be blunt and sometimes we'll dance around the issue, but we'll tell you the truth. My husband will tell me if he doesn't like a particular outfit or hat or weird shoe, but he would never, ever, ever tell me I look fat in something. I think that's guy code, non? What kind of animal would tell a woman she looks fat when she asks? Plus, I could see that that shirt was going to ride up when she sat down, and she'd be tugging on it all night. I'm not sure a man would know that. And if he did, he was too taken aback by her question to tell her so.
It's just one of those little gender games I realized- and that for the most part, women check other women out more than men check us out, so maybe it pays to ask another woman when you want to know what to wear on a date. That's just my two cents, and that's what's up this unsolicited opinion of a Monday in the 212. Yours, in making good choices. XO