Good morning, Tuesday. I'm not even thinking of the intense packing situation I'm facing, because I'm too caught up in some thoughts swirling in my frontal lobe this morning. Is it me or is womankind under an intense microscope these days? (I feel so exposed).
With so much talk of leaning in, opting out (and then back in), I can't help but feel we women are being scrutinized in ways we have never been before. There's so much to say about this of course- but top of mind to me are Kim Kardashian and Christine Quinn- admittedly two very different women in every way, but all eyeballs are on both of them. As you all know, KK had a baby recently and has not left the house since. Sure this week one photo of her surfaced, hiding her body for all intents and purposes and looking very freaked out. Now Kim is not a poster child for women anywhere- I've made it quite clear how idiotic I find her. The fact that she is literally hiding because she is not the Jessica Rabbit she once was is sickening, and disturbing. The message she is sending to other women is beyond disgusting- guess what, ladies? Most people get BIG when they are pregnant. Real big. And guess what else? After you have a kid, it's pretty tough for a lot of women to lose all the weight in less than two days. I'm not sure when this insane expectation was heaped upon women- that being skinnier than you were when you got pregnant is somehow the goal. Did we think about this when our mothers had babies? After women had babies back in the day, it's not that they didn't care about how hot they looked anymore- it was just that something superseded the need to wear size 26 J Brands- the need to be a MOM. The intense pressure women face to be "back to normal" after baby really bugs me. I know I have not had children, but I'm well aware that I may never again look the way I looked when I was 25, and I'm ok with that. I'm not giving up, I just realized that nature takes its course and I'm ok with it. Why isn't anybody else?
And then we have Christine Quinn, the fiery mayoral candidate for the city of New York. Before we go further I'm going to tell you straight- I'm not a fan of hers and really never have been- her agenda is not my agenda and her party line is not one I tow. But damn if I don't find it so interesting that what people are reacting to beyond her POV is her look, and her mannerisms. With her fake red hair, ill-fitting clothes, and sailor mouth, it's hard to take her seriously. Sure she's "salt of earth" and that's refreshing after years of a mayor who was rich beyond comprehension, but her every woman-ness is turning most of us off. So I wonder- are women under a different lens when it comes to politics and how we present ourselves? I mean- Chris Christie. The man kisses babies and shakes hands and is not exactly the picture of physical health. Yea, he's a big guy. But somehow, his size and brashness is somehow endearing, yet when a woman shows some saltiness, it's unappealing. I think that's why most of us love Hillary- she's tough, brilliant, fairly average looking, but somehow put together enough (and wicked smart enough) to convince us of her prowess. The whole notion of appeal is one that's endless fascinating. Take Lena Dunham on "Girls".
Last season, we endlessly debated on all of our social media whether or not it was possible that Hannah could score a hottie like Patrick Wilson, let alone sleep over at his posh townhouse in Brooklyn. I found the argument incensing. Yea, it's not every day that an awkwardly dressed hipster girl pulls a hot Ivy League doctor type, but who gives an ass? Have you ever watched "Louis"? He pulls the hottest girls around and he's not exactly Brad Pitt. But you know what's sexy about him? His wit. His wit makes him hot. So why is this not the same when it comes to women?
And with shows on TV telling us to wear this, not that, and "real" housewives clawing each other in the proverbial face to the delight of millions of viewers, it's really a strange moment for us women folk. Perhaps it's all of our successes and achievements that make us so closely watched as to whether we can lose the baby weight or whether or not we're capable of catching the big fish- albeit politically or romantically. Who cares what you look like to drop your kids off at kindergarten? Isn't it enough that you get there at all despite all the meshugas we deal with on the regs?
And that's what's at the apex of all of this debate is, in my mind, a disturbing bottom line. It's women who are judging each other and are each other's harshest critics- we judge what each other look like, what handbag we carry, and whether we are managing to have it all. We judge mothering styles; we judge each other silently as we walk down the street. In fact, it's not men that are wondering if Lena Dunham is hot enough (my hubs recognizes her charm), it's other women that question how it's possible that a made up character can pull hotter men then they can in real life. So what's the answer to this chronic myopia when it comes to seeing who we really are and what we stand for, regardless of what we look like and how much we weigh? We need to stand together, ladies and get over all of this judgment. If you're cool, your man is going to love you no matter what, and if he dumps you because you've gained five pounds, um- WTF are you doing with him anyway? Oh, and if you had a harsh mother like I did who constantly picked you apart, you're probably just Jewish. Don't worry about it. In all seriousness, I remember my mother telling me how evil women were, and how my life would be chock full of arguments and cattiness if I chose to have them as friends. Now that I look back on that moment, I realize something now my pig tailed self could not have known. My mother had a tough time with women because it's very hard for her to not judge- I've listened to her pick apart her friends, be jealous of them, and notice when any of them gain an ounce. That's messed up. But that's why women were (and are) difficult for her to deal with, including her own daughters. My sister and I have been through enough in this life to know that harsh words and criticisms from other women is about as far from cool as you can get. Doesn't do much to boost one's confidence, does it?
I urge this next generation of women to not only be kind to themselves and their choices, but to each other. It seems like a tall order, but with all of our choices and options in life, let's get past the labeling and insanity and stand as one. I myself am guilty of such harshness, and I can't promise to ever approve of the actions of the Kardashians or the Real Housewives of Miami, but I'm hoping to help women realize they're fine whatever they choose, however they look, and whomever they choose to love. Perhaps we could use some better role models, but I guarantee you men are not as hard on each other as we women are- and if we really want equality, we've got to stop judging and start supporting- regardless of who we are and what we do. After all, we're kicking major ass in every way- so isn't it time we stopped kicking each other's?
Cause that's what's up this proudly imperfect female kind of Tuesday in the 212. So let's start this chain right now and bring some confidence and good vibes into the world- you're beautiful, and that's a fact. XO