Good late morning. Welcome to the polar vortex, pallies. Shit's getting real.
So last night, as the temps dropped, we noticed a lack of fun things to watch on television. I have not watched "The Bachelor" since way back in the day, but since it was so hyped on Facebook, I couldn't help but give it a go. And man, is that show disturbing.
As I watched generic looking women in tight dresses struggle to breath and giggle nervously like sorority girls, I felt a little sick. Why on Earth would any woman go on TV (or man) and look for love this way? Is it really that hard for any of us these generically beautiful ladies and admittedly cute bachelor to get dates? Is it really easier to find true love on national television? Yea, I know. It's entertainment. But as I watched tweaked out after tweaked out plastic women (most likely dying of starvation) parade themselves in front of one guy (one special guy), I felt somehow sad for all of them. With the exception of the opera singer who was wearing a dress she could actually move in and who seemed to play a more coy and less desperate role (of course he gave her the rose, duh), all of these women were gorgeous, but a hot mess. I'd give good money to learn what it is a "mineral coordinator" does for a living, or how loving dogs or being a free spirit provides ample pay for room and board. (Sign me up for both of those, ps).
But besides having to turn away a few times from sheer embarrassment for some of these ladies (never give a massage on a first date), another thought crossed my mind. Why does every single girl on this show have long hair and wear pageant dresses? What about girls who are more individual, more fashion forward, or more bookish? Do women who are watching this that don't fit the Barbie profile feel that they won't find their prince if they don't look like this or is it just fun to watch a train wreck? I love the girl they identified as the "free spirit"- she wore a garland in her hair and spun around like she was at Woodstock. Careful of the brown acid, folks. (Then again, it would be way more fun to watch if she dosed them all, wouldn't it?)
I vote for a new version of the Bachelor, wherein our bachelor is some sort of creative type who likes an edgier woman- it would be nice to see women vying for a man's affection in less than traditional ways. Or better yet, I'd just die to see Louis CK as the ultimate bachelor catch- why does everyone have to be so perfect on this show and if they are, why can't they find a damn soulmate already? What hope do mere mortals have? I am looking forward to seeing what happens with that prosecutor lady, who seems to think it's ok to go into a courtroom and fight crime with overly ombre'd hair. She does seem like she can kick an ass, though- she's the wild card. Watch out for her, dog lover. Watch the fuck OUT.
It's obvious this show makes women look like complete schmucks, doing away with it completely would probably be best. And I'm not suggesting a bunch of genetic misfits would make this show more engaging- just show some people who have a little bit of flavor and not so, well, vanilla. Ugh. I guess I'm going to have to keep watching until they bring on some edgier types to spice it up- I do so love a good train wreck, and most likely, so do you. But really, can these chicks look a little more interesting, less generic, and wear dresses that don't make them look like strippers? Juan Pablo (a cutie AND a single dad- hey ladies!!) didn't seem to mind- though big points to him for picking the overseas living opera singer for that coveted first rose (must. get. that. rose). At least her non sausage like and admittedly pretty dress did not seem to shatter her ribs. Poor mineral coordinator. She didn't stand a chance.
Cause that's what's up this finding soul mates on television kind of Tuesday in the very reality based 718. Keep warm, kiddies. It's a cold world out there. Yours, in radiated heat, peace, and real love. Oh, and I heard Juan Pablo met Lena Dunham on Good Morning America yesterday and proclaimed him "a delight". Now that would be a match made in (indie) heaven. XO