Good morning, Tuesday. It's a warm one in New York and just when you think it was all PSL weather outside, it's back to iced coffee. Anyone who says global warning doesn't exist is an idiot.
And speaking of idiots, I read with distress a piece in the Times yesterday called "What Our Sons are Learning from Trump". The piece outlines that we have a long way to go to educate boys that this notion of locker room talk and boys will be boys values has got to stop. It's beyond troubling, and if you are trendwatcher l, you've no doubt wondered, and I'll be blunt, just what in fuck is going on with boys and men nowadays? We're post lad. We're post metrosexual. We're postmodern, or at least, we're supposed to be. But we live in such disturbing times and I fear men and their standing in society has been warped and damaged by so much terrible behavior.
Funny thing- an old boss of mine infamously made the term "metrosexual" a common one in our cultural vernacular- here were men that prided themselves on their appearances, spent money on hair and skincare products, and dressed with an eye on fashion and generally paid attention to things traditionally associated with women. After that, I can't recall if men had another cultural blip on the radar, other than 2008 really hurting men in manufacturing and construction jobs while women were rising up to positions of power and winning bread for their families. I can recall in the 90s a time when a sort of chest thumping, fire circling movement came around by the likes of Robert Bly, where men celebrated their masculinity in a primal and tribal fashion. But really, where are men now in this age of Trump and campus rape gone crazy and women clearly taking the world by storm? Unfortunately, men have gotten lost in said storm, and even worse, they're taking it out on us.
Now let me say this- I'm not a man hater at all. I love my male friends and colleagues and feel fortunate to know so many stand up guys. I'm lucky to have had normal relationships with men and am even luckier to be married to a wonderful guy who is very masculine but is also sensitive and kind and respectful and knows how to act. Lately I've been disappointed by tales of dating from my single gal pals, and how generally crappy men have been behaving. I truly feel men have lost their way and this election is amplifying it like never before. There are so many wonderful men out there- they really need to step up, right now and teach the sons, daughters, and everyone else how to be. I worry that Trump is somehow justifying the terrible behavior we've been seeing of late, and that just can't happen.
So who should boys and men look to when it comes to being a great man and great human?
Look no further than our current President, Barack Obama. Regardless of which side of the political fence you're sitting on, you can't argue that he is a wonderful father, husband, and the requisite gentleman. Even if you don't agree with his policies, my man knows very much how to be a man. Truth.
When you think about it, Obama has it all. He's got game, he's got swagger, he's got a great sense of humor. He's fit, confident, and intelligent. He's compassionate, strong, and not afraid to show his emotions. He's a magnetic and compelling speaker who always displays a certain grace I've come to admire through the past 8 years. And he's not intimidated by being married to a super powerful, confident woman like Michelle- men who love strong women and who value said women standing by their side are good men indeed. Plus, as the father to two females, I find his attention to women's issues and "locker room" talk spot on. I'm going to miss him badly but really, in this age of men behaving horribly, Barack is a shining example of how men should behave. And as someone who currently holds the highest office in our country, I really think men should strive to be like 'bama.
His response to Trump was perfect. "Come on, man". He can't even believe what he's hearing. And neither can most of us. And if I hear the word "grope" or "grab" one more time, I'm going to scream.
I can't tell you how many times I've felt my blood boil in this election cycle- from Trump's goldfish cracker face to his disgusting attacks not only against women, but against humanity in general. By birth, I'm a feminist, but have never felt more protective of my p*ssy than of late. And maybe I'm feeling hypersensitive to all of this terrible behavior, but men you've got some work to do. OK, a lot of work. It's true Trump is an extreme asshole, but he's amplifying something that needs to be dealt with- where men are headed and how to show our children what it means to be a man.
If you are really looking where men are headed, don't succumb to this disgrace parading as a candidate right now. Think about Barack and wonder how you can be more like him. You may never occupy the White House, but at least you can be a model male citizen. And that's the truth. And just like women, you have many options. You don't have to thump your chest to be a man. You don't have to use eye cream to be a man. You don't have to do anything but be good, kind, considerate, and show women the respect they deserve. I'm aware it's a challenging time to be a male, but push through so you can have your moment once again, before we refuse to put up with you at all. So what are you gonna do, men? Change history or let jackasses like Donald Trump define your legacy? I'd say follow in the footsteps of our current leader, and hopefully, you will find you way. I hope that all of this insanity teaches us all about what makes a man, and what decidedly does not. How about we focus less on making America great again at the hands of a complete psycho and focus a little bit more on making men great again? I don't care if you want to dance around a fire circle with your man bun or get a weekly pedicure or both. Just be better. Please.
Cause that's what's up this don't even try to grab this kind of Tuesday in the 718. Yours, in please don't go, O. We need you more than ever. XO