Good afternoon, Monday. Looking forward to a quiet long weekend coming up et tu?
So last night were the VMAs- that bastion of moon men and pop stars and hijinks.
Watching the pre-show, it became very clear that this show was going to be more of a trainwreck than any before it.
Case in point- Kelly Osbourne. Somebody please remove her from any podium of public speech please. She looks and sounds like a mental patient mixed with Beetlejuice. I just can't with her. I did however love when Taylor Swift walked in with her hot lady posse and Kelly tried to get down with them. You could just feel Cara Delevigne staring her down, in true "you can't sit with us" standing bitch face. I can't blame her- Kelly is a mess. And why on Earth was she dancing like a total spaz with Nick Jonas during his horrible performance of his new song "Levels"? Awful.
And speaking of awful, the fashion. THE FASHION.
What in the what was everyone thinking? Was there a memo that circulated listing the dress code as slutty? I can't even begin to comprehend the vulgarity displayed by everyone- it's so disgusting to me that so many women in the pop world feel the need to show everything they have. When Madonna was provocative, it felt fresh. When Chrissy Teigen's junk is hanging out, it's anything but. It's just gross. I'm glad I don't have a daughter. Jesus. What is happening out there with the way beautiful young girls dress?
Only one I liked was Emily Ratajkowski in Altuzarra, though I truly have no idea why she's famous, though I assume it's for her butt on Instagram? Amiright?
And while we're on gross, let's chat on the Kardashian clan. Kim looked like an oompah lompah. Kourtney went cray on the self tanner, and Kiley looks like she is ready for porn. Balmain and such, but so bad. And Kanye clearly has gone crazy from association with these loons. That speech of his was the most ridiculous stupidity I've seen in ages- and to not even thank MTV shows what a graceless prick he really is. How about a performance Kanye? What about the fans that made you famous? He's such an arse. And could he not have dressed up a bit? Where were his infamous leather pants?
Besides all of that, I did admire the Beebs' tear shed shortly after he was beamed up and then dropped down, and the A$AP Rocky/21 Pilots performance was sort of interesting I suppose, as was the Weeknd's. But looking around the room I wondered where the real "big" stars were- Katy Perry, where you at? Rihanna, where you at? Beyonce and Jay, where you at where you at? Just because you're not nominated must mean you don't have to show up and subject yourself to Kanye. They're the lucky ones.
As for the mistress of ceremonies last night, Miley Cyrus, I've grown tired of her tit talk and her constant reference to weed. We get it, Miley. You like the ganga. You really, really like the ganja. LET IT GO. And her fashion sense is what happens when a hooker smokes ganga laced with PCP and mates with George Clinton. Oh, Miley. You so crazy.
But I'd be remiss in no admiring her "surprise" performance as well as her album dropping as a free download at the end of the show. Nice touch, tits. Nice touch.
But really the night belonged to Taylor Swift and her girl army- at least she has some poise for Chrissakes- whether she likes to smoke weed is another story (seems that everyone else there does, including Kanye). She cleaned up on the moon men front as she does, and with Karlie Kloss looking on in adoration, it was all about girl power, and not the kind that Nicki Minaj doles out while her hand remains in what seems to be a permanent position on her crotch. #enoughalready Kudos for starting shit with Miley though, even if it was fake. It was fun to watch, in that super cringeworthy way.
I really don't have more for you than this, because the whole show robbed me of precious time I'll never get back. I miss the great performances where provocative is not just for provocative's sake. The whole thing was just silly and vulgar and trite. Sure I know it's pop music, but really- with all of that fame status can't we come to expect something better? No? Ok. I'll shut up. Maybe I should smoke more weed to enjoy it next time. It seems that helps. Just ask Miley and everyone else.
Cause that's what's up this I don't want my MTV kind of Monday in the 212. Yours, in this is not my MTV (is it anyone's really?) XO