So do you have it in you?

Good morning, Thursday. It's a nice one here in the big city and I'm happy to run amok. I've been thinking, as I often do, ok always do- about what's next for me. It's something you do as a freelancer/contractor quite often as you move through gigs and assess what's working and what's not.  I'm sure full timers do that too, but perhaps in a different way- it's just part of life when you work for yourself because you're constantly figuring out ways to be more efficient, more successful, more agile.

So it's no surprise going inward would be on the agenda when it comes to a bit of career soul searching. We've been told for years how important it is to love what you do, and with that refrain constantly in my head, it's kind of a bummer when you don't. There's moments, there's glimmers, there's times when I look around at the lovely people I get to work with and realize how lucky I am. But does it make my heart sing? Not really. Is that ok? Yea, it is. It's work. It can't be a lovefest all the time- I think that's a completely ridiculous expectation.

But here's what I do know. I was walking down the street yesterday, enjoying the scenery of my Brooklyn neighborhood, when it kind of hit me. This notion of what's in you. Or really, what's in me.

You know that expression- do you have it in you? 

For me, that phrase came into my brain and I chose to think about it for the rest of the afternoon. What's in me? What do I have in me? And how does that truly speak to what's inside, in my heart?

Here's what I came up with:

I know I have a book in me. It's clear as day- not the subject necessarily but that it's there at all. I've been writing on this blog for years- it's never been about becoming a famous blogger or anything like that truly. It's been a wonderful place for me to share all the things I think about and love and so on. Looking through the gobs of posts I've written,  there's truly a there there. And I know I have it in me to explore what all of these musings could become. It may not happen today, but it's going to happen. Because I've always had a book in me and I know it.

What else is in me?

A desire to get good and clear on my intentions. It's in me to clear the fat out of my life- the things I don't need, the people I don't need, all of that. 

It's in me to seek new ways to be healthier- mind and body. That's a big one.

And it's in me to work on projects with people I love, as a means to support my book and any other projects I may want to take on that feel all mine- maybe it's a dress line, maybe it's something else. I'm not sure, but what's in me right now is a desire to create on my own terms, and fully not for hire. I want to make stuff on my own, that speak to me, that speak to my own point of view. After a lifetime of orchestrating creative work (with other people's ideas), I feel it's time to create somehow. That's in me- though that one may take a bit more time to come to the surface but I know it's there.

So the question remains, fair readers, what do you have in you? Is it running a marathon? Working on your relationship? Learning to fly? I promise you if you ask yourself that question in the most honest way possible, you'll get some answers. And if you don't, you may need to do a bit more looking. Trust me, it's there. We all have something inside- and most of the time, it's the truth. It gets masked and hidden by daily life and all the external stuff we need to do to survive and pay our bills and whatever else. But take a minute while walking around the block or when you're in the shower or after a run or whenever and ask yourself if you have it in you. It's a relief to find out there's still something inside, it's listening to that where the real work begins.

Cause that's what's up this me to you kind of Thursday in the 718. Yours, in what's inside. XO