Single and ready to mingle (workwise...calm down).

Good morning, Monday. Major league snowstorm on the horizon and a I have to say, not so much. I don't mind the cold but not really feeling a foot and a half of snow right now. It's just going to get in my way. Not to mention little Khan's. 

So last night was Sunday of course and Sunday nights are often fraught for many. The thought of Monday am work routines, rushing around, getting it done, taking names. But last night Sunday bummed me out for a different reason, because it came with the realization that a huge project I just completed this past week was completely finished. And, as of today, I've got nowhere to go. 

Now before you feel bad for me, don't. This is the life I chose. This freelance life.

Plus I'm working closely with a photographer now and we've got stuff in the pipeline, so all good there and we are very much loving our relationship and absolutely look at that as a way to grow and foster my own thing. And truly, I want to work on my own personal brand and write a lot more, draw some more (yea I know), and think of fun new ways to collaborate with the world at large.  I was just at the closing weekend of the big Stones exhibit (loved it) and checked out all the merch in the store and thought about how much fun it would be to work with brands and come up with great partnerships. I loved the Pringle of Scotland Stones cashmere sweater ps. But the price? 500 dollars? Nah. But helping brands connect with other brands and make great stuff? Yea. I'd love to do that.

Anyway, I'm trying to figure it all out. And freelancing as a way to make money can feel an awful lot like dating. I'll tell you why.

Project based work is like dating someone who you may really like but you kind of know they're not the "one". You may go on wonderful trips, become great friends, and even have great chemistry, but somehow, you just know it's going to end. As somewhat of a latent commitmentphobe, I've always been ok with that. But sometimes it's really challenging. To be a lifelong dater and never a bride. Sure it's my choice, and freelancing is a life I really enjoy. But once in a while I wonder would I be better off tying the knot? Or am I going to have a series of relationships that, although satisfying, inevitably just lead me to another suitor? Or worse yet, a dry spell? 

And truly, my "one" is my own business. I want to marry myself. As an entrepreneur. Because nothing compares. And I'm not even sure what that looks like yet, so how can I truly have it? I just know I want it .So for me, the "one" is really my own gig. And I know that. But after an amazing experience with a company where you feel like the stars are aligned, it's hard once in a while to walk away. And think about what's next. There's moments in freelance life, particularly when a gig is on the long term side, that you get in a nice groove. That you come to enjoy a routine. But then in the back of your head, that nagging voice comes in and tells you to break up. That, not only do you have to break up, but it's better for you. Because you're not suited to a marriage of this sort. But look at the Stones as an example- lifelong partnership, comprised of individuals with very strong opinions who often lock horns but make beautiful music together. That's the dream really. A marriage that allows you to be your best creative self while still considerate of the whole band's success. If only more workplaces felt that way. Many don't. And that's the truth.  

So right now I'm single again and it's Monday and everyone's at work and I'm on my sofa, thinking about all the million of things I want to do, and the dating possibilities are endless. Because working for someone else, for me anyway, feels defeatist. I always have that nagging feeling that I'm working as hard as I can to benefit the company, but it's not my company. That said, I've been happy to do so. But now, at this stage in the game, I prefer to work that hard for my own well being. And not for anyone else's. And much like when you're in a relationship where you no longer feel like your needs are being met because you're too busy trying to please and satiate someone else, you gotta move on. I like the sentiment in the little checklist at the top of this post- maybe it's less about working vs. not working and finding a way to be your best regardless of your status. Yea, that works.

So I guess I'm single again. And I'm ok with it. Yes, Monday mornings are lonely without my crew but once I get over the fear of being alone, I'll be happy to be out there once again, hustling it up. But today I'm just going to enjoy flying solo and wait for the storm to come. Here's to all the freelancers out there, who, on more days than not, can feel a lot more like a bridesmaid than a bride, but are all good with it. Cause that's how we roll this here Monday in the 718. Yours, in new wifi passwords and new opportunities as a single and free agent. XO