Good morning, Friday. TGIF.
So this one's tough for me to write but I'll just say it- I'm a bit of a hormonal, emotional wreck.
Lately I've been ripping off a lot of band aids in my life- everything from switching career paths to taking care of my health to financial responsibility. And I'm feeling a little raw. And everything, and I do mean everything, is making me cry. The fact that my dog is getting old is making me cry. The push/pull/rollercoaster fun house of female hormones is making me cry. The story on the Today show about the pregnant mom battling breast cancer is doing me in.
Thing is, I've spent a career and lifetime being the strong one. Producer lady who holds it all together. Keeps everything positive. I'm very, very good at hiding my emotions and fears and sweeping them under a seemingly endless rug. But if I'm being truthful, I'm emotional. Very emotional. And very sensitive. My idols are tough women who seemingly never break but I'm sure they are reduced to puddles from time to time. Or at least it makes me feel better to think that. And back to those hormones- holy moly. One day is wonderful, the next? Telenovela dramatic.
I wouldn't say I'm depressed, ps. It's not really like that. It's just getting in touch with my emotional side. I've never been someone who cries at work. I've never been someone that likes to show my vulnerability. i come from a pretty emotional family and it's tough for me. I like to be my father's daughter and stay positive. That's still the case, ps. It's just an acknowledgement that right now, I'm in my feelings. Big time. And it's not about retreating from the world. It's just my default to run on a broken leg and pretend it's not broken. I guess in order to keep going, I have to acknowledge that sometimes, as a person and as a woman, tears need to come.
I've spent a long time admiring the steely reserve of tough chicks. Also the cool countenance of well bred WASPy types whose reedy frames match their elegance and cool, calm, collectedness. Or so they make you believe.
Thing is, as I get more and more in touch with my creative side, i think I'm getting back to my true sensitive self. I think most people who really know me know that I'm a softy. And that's not to say my tough side is not going to come back. But right now, as I very consciously enter a new phase of my life, I'm staying close to my emotions. We are taught as women that being emotional is weak. And though crying at work is not really my tempo, watching a sad story on morning television that triggers a crying bout feels cathartic, as is anything that brings you closer to your true self. It may even make you feel human when you spend the majority of your life just trying to be tough. Sometimes, you just gotta let it out. Because crying doesn't have to be negative. Sometimes, it just confirms you're alive.
And those ripped off band aids can really hurt sometimes. But how much better do we feel when those wounds are healed? I don't know about you, but I always feel so much better after a good cry. Always. No need to check on me. I'll be just fine. I also think I'm realizing we're a little low on compassion and empathy in this world. And both of those things, when tapped in to them, can make one feel a wee bit emotional. I'm so there.
Cause that's what's up this softer kind of Cry day in the 718. Yours, in no need to worry, I'm just being me and going with the flow. Pass the tissues, please. Or the animal videos. I feel better already. XO