Good morning, Tuesday. I'm still in a relatively snarky mood so I'll just keep on going.
As you know, I'm not much of a joiner. Yea, I get swept up in the latest and greatest things all the damn time. But mostly, I don't tend to like what the masses like, unless of course, I can put my own spin on it. But lately, popular sentiment for certain things has me questioning my own humanity. What's wrong with me that I don't like the following things?
Jason Momoa. I know, right? WTF is wrong with me that I don't like this big brawny charming human? I admit I was seduced by him when he was on GOTS, but now he's just a big doofus in my mind. And I don't like all that hair. And I don't like the way he dresses. Nor do he find him remotely humorous, even when he tries to be. Plus he's mad cheesy. But everyone loves him so clearly I'm the loathsome one. And that whole moms going to see Aquaman because omghe'shot meme is so annoying.
Everlane. Fucking Everlane. Lines around the block to shop for possibly the most boring, ill fitting clothes I've ever seen. I'm not mad at that round toed pump of theirs, but everything else can just f off to mediocrity. Why are we celebrating mediocrity, even when I do like their responsible sustainability? I just don't like their clothes. They're like the vanilla ice cream of style or fashion for lazy people. Blech. Also some girl with vocal fry at the store was like "can you please tie up your umbrella before putting it in the bin. TH-ANKS". Ugh. Oh and ps- I know I always talk about my love for the Gap back in the day- it's because there was always a coolness there. To me, Everlane is the opposite of cool, capiche?
Poke. I liked poke for a second. When I worked in midtown. And then I went back to being kind of grossed out by it. Because truly, it's pretty gross. I think it's the fish chunk thing. I dunno. Next. Not sure what midtown has to do with fish chunks but here we are.
Peganism. Go Paleo. Go vegan. But making a diet an acronym is so super annoying I want to go all Cavewoman on someone.
Dad sneakers. Please dear Lord stop this trend. I can't anymore. Because truly I'm starting to like them even though I HATE them. I guess that may be the point but enough. Unless you're a cool Japanese girl. Then continue.
BONUS: Radiohead. I KNOW. I'm sorry not sorry. They drive me completely insane. Thom Yorke's endless whining is like hell for me. Except for two songs really. "Everything in its Right Place" and maybe "Karma Police". But more than ten minutes of Radiohead makes me think bad thoughts. Mostly about myself but still. This one stings a few of you out there I know. But I can't help it. They don't do it for me. At all.
Hmm I'm sure there's many more but those are just a few of my least favorite things. Clearly Trump and his bullshit would make the list but everybody hates him now so...cause that's what's up this flying solo kind of Tuesday in NJ. Yours, in false prophets. Come at me, bro. XO